No Place Like You
by LexiLindale35
Summary: Clarke is lost; literally lost. She fled college after a night she can't remember with people she thought were her friends. She had nowhere else to go and heal her wounded pride. So she headed home hoping the piece back together the memories she couldn't find. And ran into one person she ever expected to see again. The boy she walked away from: Bellamy Blake.
1. Chapter 1

Clarke really was paying attention to where she was going. But her mind kept reminding her what she was running from and she got distracted. She was crying, the tears clouding her vision as she drove down the road faster than the speed limit suggested. She didn't see the old red pickup stopped in front of her. She didn't have time to hit the breaks or try and stop before she slammed into the bed.

After the initial impact, she sat there crying for a little longer. Her hands shaking as she held onto the wheel, staring at the damage she had caused. Great, more damage with her name on it. She was tired of breaking every thing she touched.

Finally after a moment she pulled herself together and got out of the car. There was a tall brown haired boy glaring at her. Something was familiar about him, she couldn't put her finger on it though. She was too far away to see his face. She walked forward, her hands in front of her. They were still shaking. The back of his truck wasn't that bad. Her little car had taken most of the impact.

The hood had smoke billowing out of it, "were you even watching the road? It's a stop sign!"

His voice made her jump, and she realized who it was. He was glaring at her the way he had the night she left. She had no idea where she was, but somehow she had found him again. Her heart ached as fresh memories filled her head, ones that took the other more painful ones away for the moment. She was grateful and yet angry all at the same time. She didn't think she would ever see him again, and yet there he was still glaring at her.

Bellamy Blake, the one she walked away from.

Clarke was a mess of emotions, but she wouldn't let him be an asshole because of a mistake, "look I'm sorry. I've had a shitty day, but I was paying attention."

"Clearly you weren't," he ran his hand through his hair, "dammit this is my only way to work. It's gonna take forever to fix."

He stopped once he heard her voice and looked up. His eyes weren't playing trick on him, she was really standing there staring at him. Out of all the people in the world how had Clarke come back into his life? His eyes were wide as she kept staring at him, they were both wondering if they were dreaming. It was clear they weren't expecting each other, they never thought they'd talk after that horrible night.

Bellamy never did forgive himself for letting her go without a fight.

"Look I have insurance. Give me your information I'll give you mine," Clarke pulled herself out of the trance of seeing him again and walked back to her car. She grabbed the envelope from the glove box.

Bellamy cursed a few more times, trying not to stare at the pretty blonde that used to hold his heart in the palm of her hands. She was trying so hard not to cry, to hold herself together. She was a beautiful mess and he didn't want to get caught up in her storm. Then again Bellamy wanted to know why she was here, how she had found her way to his new life. He wanted to know what was wrong.

He wanted to fix it, even if he couldn't fix himself.

Even if Clarke was upset she didn't miss how handsome Bellamy still was. He still held himself up straight, his muscles hugging his tee shirt nicely. He looked darker, his freckles were still her favorite feature. Clarke had missed him, there were so many nights she had cried herself to sleep wondering what would've happened if she had stayed, if she took Bellamy up on his offer.

Clarke pulled herself together and looked away from him. She sighed, writing down her information as he stared at her card. He was doing whatever he could to avoid looking at her. He still hadn't gotten over her, "so what are you doing all the way out here in Tennessee?"

Clarke shrugged, writing slower. His anger had dissolved a little, "clearing my head?"

He didn't believe her, his eyes told her that. He made a noise Clarke couldn't quiet understand and then slammed her card down on her hood. Her horribly dented and possibly dead hood. There was the old Bellamy she remembered, the one who couldn't speak his mind so instead he just got angry.

He might not have a way to work, but she had nowhere to go, nowhere to wait for her little car to be fixed. She cursed at herself, finally understand how horrible this entire situation was. She bit down on her lip, wondering how Bellamy had ended up in Tennessee himself. She wanted to ask him about his life, she wanted to know what had happened after she packed her car up and left him standing there watching her go.

But her pride wouldn't let her.

They exchanged information and Clarke stood there staring at her poor little car. She stuck out her bottom lip, making Bellamy stop from turning around. He knew he was going to kick himself for asking, but he couldn't let a damsel stay in distress for long.

"So uh, you weren't planning on stopping here?" He cleared his throat, clearly nervous now that they had gotten the business out of the way.

Clarke nodded slowly, "I don't even know where here is, but yeah. I didn't have an end point in mind," she sighed, "how long have you been here?"

"Since you left," his voice was flat and he looked away from her. He still didn't understand how in all the places there were for her to break down this was where it happened. He thought he was done thinking about her, but now that she was standing there in front of him he was all wrong. His heart was killing him. God he missed her, the smell of her, the feel of her pressed against his chest.

"Bell," her voice broke as she stepped forward.

There was so much wrong with her life at the moment, but she didn't know how to fix any of it let alone face the ex she had ran away from. Well she didn't run away from him, she chose school, a life they both knew she didn't want, over him. Her mother forced her hand, back then Clarke felt like she didn't have a choice. So she drove away with him standing in the rearview mirror.

He didn't know it but Clarke saw his tears. She watched him cry as she turned out of sight and out of his life for what he thought was the last time.

Bellamy smiled it was small and forced but she could see how it changed his face, made him look softer. He was still so handsome. Clarke felt a little uneasy, last time she found someone attractive she couldn't remember the rest of her night. She looked away from him, trying not to get nervous. She had been fighting panic attacks since it happened. She didn't need to explain what happened to him just yet. She wasn't ready to say the words out loud. She wasn't even sure if it happened.

She breathed in deeply, "it smells like rain."

Bellamy looked surprised, "it's supposed to storm tonight. So I called the tow truck he's going to come get your car. I can fix this myself," there were a few dents and the hinge was broken. But his truck looked okay, "can I take you somewhere?"

She laughed, the nervous energy bubbling inside her chest. Last year he wouldn't have thought twice about taking her back to his place. He would've insisted on making sure she was okay, even though nothing terrible had happened. Now she was standing there staring at a stranger. She might have known Bellamy once, but she didn't know this version of him now.

Her heart hurt as she realized how much had changed, "I guess a motel? I didn't plan on wrecking my car. I didn't plan on stopping," a tear slipping down her cheek, "I didn't plan on my life spiraling out of control."

Bellamy pinched his nose between his fingers and sighed loudly. He knew he would regret this, "I don't think you want a motel. Come on I'll take you to someone who can help."

Clarke didn't move as he walked towards his truck. She wasn't so easy to trust anymore, her legs were frozen. She swallowed the panic, pushing it as far down as it would go. She stepped forward, her heart racing a million miles a minute.

"If you try to kill me I'll scream," she struggled to keep her voice level, "I'm a fighter."

He laughed and it wasn't forced. He had forgotten how funny she could be. He remembered everything about her, and yet he forgot so much of why he had fallen in love with her, "okay so my plan just went out the window."

She liked hearing him laugh. It reminded her of a life she had forgotten. The life she had with him and the plans they had made before she was forced to choose. She missed that life, she missed him. Part of the reason everything had happened was because Lexa was trying to make her forget about him. But she could never forget him, he had been in her life since she was sixteen. He was her first real love.

There was a time she thought he would be her last.

Clarke sighed, "this is crazy. I mean out of all the places, all the people," she was echoing his earlier thoughts and he grunted in response, "okay so I take it you don't want to talk about it?"

He sighed, "Clarke I'm not mad at you anymore, but I'm not in love with you anymore either. I'm sorry," he gripped the wheel and tried not to notice the tears that filled her beautiful blue eyes, "we don't have to pretend like we're still friends. It's been two years."

Clarke wiped away a tear, "I wasn't pretending," her voice broke and she looked out the window, her heart pounding in her chest. He had never said those words to her, even when they fought before she left. He never said he didn't love her anymore, or that they couldn't be friends. It hurt her too much to sit there and realize how much they'd grown apart. She thought the next time she saw him they would pick up the pieces and start over.

Now she realized how naive she was for thinking that. They couldn't repair what she had broken.

Bellamy drove in silence down the street and she saw the lights of a small town light up his way. She kept staring at the window, feeling the pit in her stomach grow. She was so alone, she had suffered and there was no one around to help her. There was another tear on her cheek as she tried to push the panic back down, but this time it wouldn't go down.

She coughed, losing her breath. It felt like her insides were tearing themselves apart and she started to hyperventilate. Bellamy looked over and he knew something was wrong. She was holding onto the handle of his truck with white fingers. He slowed down, pulling over on the side of the road as she tried to breathe.

"Clarke?"

She didn't say anything, she pushed open the door and stumbled out into the grass. She didn't want this to happen, not in front of him. She struggled to breath, her lungs felt like they were on fire. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't fill them with air. It was too hard, her throat felt like it was coated with sand paper. She fell onto her knees in the cool grass, feeling the light rain on her forehead.

She closed her eyes, thinking about her happy place. She could see the blue sky, the big white clouds welcome her. She thought of being there, in the green grass with the flowers that were as tall as her. She could hear the window, the rustling of the trees. Slowly her chest loosened up, her lungs filled with air. The tears were still in her eyes, but she felt the fear start to leave grip of her.

After another moment she opened her eyes and Bellamy stood there staring at her, "are you okay?"

Slowly Clarke stood up and nodded her head, "yeah," her voice caught in her throat as she looked at the boy who would've been able to take that away with one touch. Once upon a time he would've wrapped his arms around her and promised her nothing would happen. He would've listened to her story and then tracked down the people responsible for her new anxiety and made them pay.

Now she stood there wondering if he would even care if she told him the truth. He was full of anger, and it was all directed towards her. She could see it through his eyes as they stood int he dim light of the town staring at each other. Between hitting his car and getting here the sun had set. Clarke wasn't sure why, but she felt like this was the beginning of the worst chapter in her life.

"Let's just go," she said quietly getting back into the truck before he could ask her what had happened. She didn't want to explain it to him, she didn't want to tell him she was a basket case, and that ever since she went to school she couldn't stop wishing she was with him. She didn't want to tell him that he had been right, the life her mother chose for her wasn't the one she wanted at all.

The rest of the drive was done in silence. Every once in a while Bellamy would look over and see her sitting there staring out the window. She wouldn't look at him, Clarke didn't want to let him know she was still falling apart. So she watched the rows of houses that passed by, she saw the center of what was their little town.

She tried to keep herself together, she didn't need him to save her. She was perfectly capable of saving herself.


	2. Chapter 2

Bellamy took her to his sister. Bellamy thought the younger Blake could handle the tears better. After her breakdown Clarke had tried to hold herself together. It was too hard, but she didn't care by the time Bellamy pulled up to the apartment. Her tears were silent, but they were falling steadily.

Clarke opened the door before he turned the engine off, and took in a deep breath of air. There were so many things going through her head it was hard to concentrate on where she was. Bellamy walked around the truck, carrying her duffel bag. She looked at him grateful.

"Thanks," her voice broke. He walked ahead of her towards the first building and rang the bell.

Octavia pulled the door open quickly, "Bell?" She squinted at him confused, "what's wrong?"

Her eyes went to the duffel bag in his hands and he sighed, "I ran into someone today," his voice was soft and Clarke could tell he didn't know what else to say. He looked back at her, she was falling apart again, "I thought maybe you two would like a reunion too."

Octavia's eyes went wide. Clarke had never been close to his sister, but she had cared about her. They were closer in age then the two of them. Octavia didn't even think about it, she stepped out into the night and wrapped her arms around Clarke's neck.

"Clarke," she held her tightly, swaying slightly as she did. Octavia's hug was tight enough for her to realize her pieces were barely held together anymore. Clarke couldn't hold it in anymore, the sobs started to get bigger as she hugged her back.

Bellamy sighed, "I don't know what's wrong. She just fell apart on the way here," she heard the break in his voice, "she won't talk to me."

Octavia nodded, and pulled her into the warm apartment. Bellamy followed, putting her duffel bag down. Octavia let go of her and for a second Clarke felt awkward. She was imposing, she shouldn't stay here.

"I'm sorry," she said laughing nervously, "I've had a really long day. I hit Bellamy's truck by accident."

He grunted as his sister looked at him, "she pretty much wrecked her car. My truck took a beating, but she should be okay. She wasn't paying attention."

Clarke rolled her eyes, "they're called car accidents because they don't happen on purpose," she stressed the word.

Octavia squeezed Clarke's hand, "come on I'll show you the guest room and you can fight with my brother later. You look exhausted."

She was grateful for the younger Blake. She knew she didn't have to be nice to her, and she was surprised she was. Because she had broke her brothers heart and they were always a packaged deal. She was exhausted, she needed to stop thinking and sleep was the way to do that.

Octavia showed her to a nice room that was all made up. She sighed, wiping away more tears and thanked her, "do you think I could take a shower? I was driving for a long time."

"You don't even have to ask! Trust me it's fine, go take a warm shower and then we can catch up," she gave her a real smile and she thanked her again. Octavia left her to gather her clothes and then she went to the small bathroom. She could hear them talking, and she knew Octavia wanted to know why Bellamy brought her here.

The truth was he would've taken her to his place, but he couldn't handle the tears. They scared him more than Clarke did. She knew that, that's why she didn't ask to go with him. She was more confused than he was in seeing him. She had missed him, but she didn't think she would see him again. Not in this lifetime at least.

All her feelings were still there. But the pain of leaving him was fresh and came back as sharp as it was the day she drove away.

Clarke could also see he meant it when he said they weren't friends. He wasn't kidding when he mentioned the accident, and she knew he had every right to hate her. That didn't make it easier. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, her red eyes staring back at her. She looked like a mess.

If she wasn't falling apart she would kick herself for looking like this. She hadn't seen Bellamy in two years and now he knew how much of a mess she was. You were supposed to make your ex jealous, not make their lives easier when you saw them again.

Clarke turned the water in, done straining her ears to hear what they were saying. She didn't care if Bellamy told his sister she was a basket case. Or if Octavia didn't want her to stay here. All she really wanted was this warm shower and a bed to sleep in. She would figure out the rest tomorrow.

Clarke wanted to drown out all the noise so she stepped under the water and let it wash away her pain. She rolled her shoulders and closed her eyes. She had no idea how she was supposed to fix all the broken parts of herself. She didn't want to carry the burden anymore. She wasn't ready to force it upon someone else yet, either.

She turned off the water, and dried herself off. She had brought a pair of sweat pants into the bathroom with her and changed into the comfortable clothing. She ran the towel through her hair and didn't bother looking in the mirror. She knew she was a mess, she had let more tears fall in the shower.

Clarke's heart stopped when she saw Octavia waiting for her in the guest room. She was sitting there on the bed glaring at her as she brought a hand over her heart, "oh god. You scared me."

Her eyes were still red and puffy from the shower. While the warm water had soothed her bones, she knew nothing was going to soothe her hurting heart anytime soon. Not until she found a way to pick up the missing pieces and put her life back together. She really hoped the tears in the shower were the last ones that would fall. She didn't know how much more crying she could take.

"Okay here's where I stand," Octavia said ignoring the red eyes Clarke wore. She crossed her arms over her chest, "you broke my brother's heart when you left. But I always thought we were friends. Not best friends, but friends. So I won't be angry with you. I'll let go of the resentment I have towards you, because I can see you're hurting. But if you hurt him away I will follow you. I won't let you get away as easily this time."

Clarke nodded her head slowly, "I never meant to hurt him or you. I'm sorry," her voice broke, "I never meant for any of this to happen. I shouldn't have left in the first place. I shouldn't have let my mom bully me into a life I didn't want."

The tears weren't gone. Clarke started to fall apart all over again and any anger Octavia did have, disappeared. She wasn't hard and she couldn't hold onto a grudge like her brother. Between the two Octavia was a big softy, even if you could find that softness under Bellamy's hard exterior. Clarke was grateful for that as Octavia wrapped her arms around her. Even if she thought Bellamy was pushing her off on his sister, he had done the right thing. He would've made her feel worse.

He wouldn't have been able to comfort her this way.

"Hey it's okay. I'm sorry I just," she pulled away and looked at the blonde girl in her arms, "I can't pick up his pieces again, Clarke. You know how unbearable he is. He was so broken when you left. Everyone thought he was beyond repair."

Clarke struggled in a breath, "yeah well you all think I just left with my heart of stone and never looked back. It wasn't easy for me either. Bell was, is still important to me too. I didn't get a clean break either."

Octavia's eyes went wide, "he told me you cut it off."

Clarke sat down, running her fingers through her wet hair. She might as well clear the air between them now. At least then she wouldn't have to tell her what else was making her fall apart. It would be easier to relive the pain caused by him than what had happened a last month. She wasn't ready for that yet.

"No. My mom made me choose. If I didn't leave by my own choice she would cut him off completely. She threatened me with so many ways of getting him out of my life, and some of them would ruin his. I couldn't do that to him. So I told him that this way we could make it. He didn't want me to go, he wouldn't listen. I left because I had to, and he didn't realize I still wanted us. After I was gone I called him every single day for three months. My roommate," she hoped Octavia didn't see her wince at the word, "told me to stop. She said he had obviously moved on, so I should too."

Last week when her life started falling apart she had tried to call him again. It had been the first time in two years she dialed that number. She had been hurting, the missing memories had started to blend with her other ones. She just wanted to hear someone's familiar voice, she wanted to hear his voice. She wanted him to tell her it would be okay. Hell she was so confused she probably would've told him everything then and there.

But he hadn't answered. She got the voicemail telling her he didn't want to speak to her. She didn't leave a message, she hung up before he could hear her fall apart on the other end of the phone. In a way she was glad he hadn't answered. Then again it had hurt like hell to know that he still hated her.

"I'm sorry," Octavia whispered, squeezing her hand gently, "I didn't know."

Clarke forced a smile, "I know. You're his sister and no matter what you'll take his side. I wish I had someone like that in my life. I wish I could go back and change it all. I would tell my mom to pound sand. I would tell her that making me choose was a sure way to lose me all together. But I can't change anything. As much as I wish I could, I'll never be able to change what happened."

Clarke knew she meant more than just changing what happened between her and Bellamy. Then again if she changed that single action, she wouldn't be in this position. She wouldn't be mending a broken heart, a broken life that was left behind by someone she had thought was her friend. In a way this was all her mother's fault, she had made her go to that school. She had forced her into that life.

Octavia sighed and hugged her again. Clarke felt better with someone beside her, "look, clearly there's unfinished baggage between you and my brother. But there's more hurting you. I can see it. I won't pry, it's not my place. But I will be the friend you obviously need. Even if you don't want me to be."

Clarke smiled a real smile as she looked at this girl who she never really knew. Sure Bellamy had told her stories. When their mom died he had taken over care for the younger girl. She had hung out with them a few times, but she never took the time to get to know her. She hated that it had taken this long for them to become friends.

She hated the reason why she needed someone like her, "I could use someone real," her voice was small, "thank you Octavia. You have no reason to be nice to me. Not after I left you with him and his broken heart. I know it wasn't easy."

"Yeah well believe it or not you and my brother are pretty alike. And I'm the only one who can get through to his stubborn ass," Clarke laughed at her choice of words. She knew the girl was right. Bellamy rarely listened to anyone but his little sister, "and if you feel like talking I'm here. I promise I'll listen. And if not, I'll try to take your mind off whatever it is."

Clarke nodded, letting Octavia put her arms around her. She was never an affectionate person. Even when Lexa tried she didn't really want a hug. But it felt nice to let someone else take care of her for once. She had always been the strong one, the one who did what she needed to do to make sure everyone else was taken care of. She had walked away from Bellamy so that he could still be in her life. She had taken the bullet for their relationship and she was tired of hurting from it all.

She could sense that Octavia would help carry her baggage without even thinking about it, if she told her the truth. She wasn't ready to give that burden to anyone else. She would carry it so they didn't have to.

"Thanks," she closed her eyes, exhaustion hitting her.

She had bend riving since early this morning. In the early hours she had cried. She had cried a lot in the first hour of driving. She didn't have a direction, she had no plan. That scared her more than anything else. Between those tears and the painful tears that reminded her of what she was running from, she had had a long first leg of wherever she was going. Then the accident had happened, and she saw her ex for the first time in two years. She was more than ready to give into sleep.

Maybe she would wake up and find out it had all been a stupid and terrible dream. But she wasn't ready to fall asleep on her own.

"So this is weird, but do you think we could sleep in the same room?" Clarke's voice was even smaller than it had been before. They barely knew each other, "I've been alone for far too long."

Octavia looked at her and smiled. Clarke couldn't help but notice how much she looked like her older brother. Their tan skin contrasting with their big bright eyes, "okay," she sounded excited, "let's make a big bed of sheets and pillows on the floor. I can through the cushions from the couch down in the middle between them. It'll be like the sleepover we never had."

That really wasn't what Clarke meant, but she couldn't say no to her once she jumped up. She was like a little kid, excited for her friend to be sleeping over for the first time ever. Maybe that's what Clarke needed, though. Normal would be a nice change of pace from her chaotic life these last few weeks. Between dodging Lexa and finding random couches to sleep on, she needed normal. She needed something to help get the aches out of her heart.

Clarke sat there for a moment longer, taking in the silence. Then she pulled herself up and went to find Octavia. She worked fast, Clarke was impressed. There were pillows and cushions lining the middle of the couches. There were two sheets covering the massive make shift mattress. It was the perfect movie watching place. For a moment Clarke felt an ache to tell Lexa about it. She fought the ache off as she shook her head.

Octavia came back carrying a mound of blankets, "i know you're sad," she threw the blankets down and spread them out to share, "and I know you don't want to talk about it. But I can tell you talking does help. I know it seems easier to hold it in and to carry the burden yourself, but it's not."

Clarke looked at the younger girl and felt a pull in her stomach. She was tempted to tell her everything, but she knew it wasn't the right time. She surprised Octavia by pulling her into another hug. She felt better as Octavia hugged her back, her strong arms trying to put her back together again.

She sighed, "I'm sorry it took us so long to do this. To become friends."

Tears appeared in Octavia's eyes this time, even as she smiled. Clarke knew she could never repay her. Nor for her kinds or the fact that she wasn't prying. Anyone else would've begged to know what was wrong, what had happened to make her fall apart. But she gave her space and acted normal around her. She didn't ask about the panic attack she was sure Bellamy told his sister about. She didn't care, all she cared about was making her feel better.

"My brother's an idiot for letting you get away," she whispered.

Clarke wondered if he felt that way too. They both climbed into the make shift bed. They were both small so there was a lot of room for both of them. Clarke laid her head on the pillow, turning to her side. She moved her hair away from her neck and looked at her new found friend. There were so many questions she had for her, so many things she could tell her about Bellamy if she asked.

"Will he forgive me?" her voice was small, but Octavia knew who and what she was talking about.

Octavia turned to face Clarke, "it's not you he has to forgive. It's himself. When he does that, the rest will follow."

They both closed their eyes and even though she was exhausted she couldn't stop thinking about what Octavia had said. Clarke was angry at everyone and everything for what had happened. She was holding onto this big ball of anger and resentment, and she thought it was towards the people who had hurt her. Hell she was even angry at Bellamy for never answering her phone calls. He was the one who ended things, not her.

Octavia was right. Before they could forgive anyone else in their lives, they had to find a way to forgive themselves. Clarke opened her eyes, staring up at the ceiling. She knew it was easier said than done, but she had to find a way to do it. For the first time she realized that it might not be about finding her memories, or forgiving Lexa and her stupid friends. Maybe it was about forgiving herself for all the stupid choices she had made.


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke woke up to a deep voice cursing. There were boots stomping on the hardwood floor, she could feel the vibration through the cushions as he kept swearing, "god dammit Octavia. How many times have I told you to lock your door? But no, she refuses to listen to her big brother, who just wants to keep her safe," he stopped short, "what the hell?"

Clarke was amused by his muttering. She kept her eyes closed, but she could feel him staring at their sleeping arrangements. they were pretty close together, somewhere in the middle of the night that had rolled into the middle. Even Clarke was surprised at how comfortable she felt laying there with Octavia.

Bellamy was still staring when she decided to open her eyes. He blushed as she set up and her eyes met his, "graceful entrance, Bell."

Clarke yawned as he pulled himself together and rolled his eyes, "why are you guys sleeping on the floor in the living room? I thought you would both want to sleep in a bed."

She shrugged as Octavia groaned. She was a heavy sleeper, "I didn't want to be alone. Your sister actually cared."

Bellamy muttered something but wasn't loud enough for her to hear. She rolled her eyes back at him as Octavia woke up beside her. She might be a heavy sleeper, but once she was awake she was always bright and alert in the mornings, "Bell!" she smiled, "did you come to make us breakfast?"  
Clarke stomach growled. She looked surprised, he never cooked when they knew each other. Bellamy's face changed, his eyes went narrow and he shook his head. She could tell there was a silent conversation taking place between the two of them, "you know I don't cook, Octavia."

She huffed, ready to call him out for something when his eyes went towards Clarke. He interrupted his sister before she could say whatever it was she wanted to say, "you left this in my truck last night princess."

Clarke blinked as he held out one of her sketchbooks. This time it was her turn to blush as she took it from him, "uh thanks."

She hadn't been drawing lately. Not after what had happened. Her last picture had been a memory of the two of them. Her favorite memory she never wanted to let go. She had started it the night the event happened and never picked up to finish it afterwards. It was her favorite moment between the two of them. She had been stupid and let Lexa talk her into burning the picture of them together. Now she was trying to recreate the image from memory.

No matter how hard she tired she couldn't do it. There was something about the way she looked at him, that day on the docks with the water surrounding them and the sun creating a halo around his head, that she couldn't capture. There was a love in her eyes, and in his smile that she had lost a long time ago. She couldn't get it right no matter how hard or how long she tried. She would stare at the page, knowing it would never recapture the feelings they had for each other. She didn't know why she kept trying.

"Don't worry," he smirked at her, "I didn't look at it."

She nodded and then Octavia stretched her arms, "well I'm starving. Clarke let's go to the diner and I can show you around town."

"Okay," she said putting the book down on the table beside her.

Bellamy stood there watching them, "you need to lock your doors Octavia. I tell you all the time you're going to get yourself into trouble. It's a small town, but there's still bad people out there."

Octavia rolled her eyes, "I'm perfectly safe Bellamy. Don't worry," she said waving him off. Clarke could see her brother was getting upset. He wanted her to be safe, he always wanted his sister to be safe. That was his main goal in his life, to keep her safe and protect her no matter what it was from.

"Oh leave her alone Bell," Clarke didn't realize she said it out loud until he looked at her as hard as he looked at his sister, "nothing bad can happen here. She's fine. She's a big girl and can take care of herself."

Bellamy got angry when Clarke tried to stick up for her sister. She didn't know that this town had charm, but it wasn't as safe as the small towns on television. She was in no place to talk, she lost all rights to that when she left. This wasn't her business, even if she was staying here.

"You stay out of this," he growled the words at Clarke and she was surprised. He had been somewhat caring last night. She could only assume that this morning he had remembered how much he hated her.

She raised her eyebrows as Octavia sighed, "don't scream at her, bell. You came over here, don't be a dick."

Clarke smiled as he rolled his eyes, "whatever. If your apartment gets broken into, don't come crying to me."

"Sounds good. Want to join us for breakfast? I'm going to show Clarke around today," she put on her sweet little sister voice. It was the one she used whenever she wanted something from Bellamy.

He bit his lip and Clarke felt his eyes wash over her. She wanted him to come and get she didn't. She missed him, his jokes and soft side were pretty hidden in the few minutes they had spent together.

"Sure I'll get breakfast. But uh, I'll pass on the tour. I already know where everything is," Clarke smiled as Octavia hugged her brother. He rolled his eyes again as they both went to different rooms to change.

Clarke bit her bottom lip as she stood there staring at her duffel bag. It was warm, she knew she didn't have to try. But being around Bellamy again made her want to try. Even if they weren't getting along, they were still exes. She wanted him to remember exactly what he was missing.

She decided on a summer dress that flared at the bottom and hit her knees. She pulled a jean vest on over top and then ran her fingers through her curls. She never bothered with makeup, she was usually too tired after classes and shadowing. She splashed some cold water on her face and then went back into the living room.

Apparently Octavia took longer to get ready, like way longer. She found Bellamy waiting on the couch, flipping through channels. He didn't look at her, "I'd take a seat, she says breakfast, it'll be more like lunch by the time she's ready."

Clarke didn't say anything, she just sat down on the far end of the couch. While she was getting dressed he had put them back together. Even the blankets were folded up nicely by the wall. She was impressed. The Bellamy she had known wouldn't have even looked twice at the mess in front of him.

Time really does change people. Or maybe they just grew up. Maybe that's what they had needed. Time and space to grow into the people they were supposed to be. Now that they were all grown up, they could see if this would work. But only if Bellamy wanted to give it another go. She knew the chance of that was slim.

"So," Clarke cleared her throat, "this is awkward."

He laughed, well more like snorted through his noise. He had finally settled on some random rerun of friends. She had to bite the inside of her lip to keep from smiling. He had always hated this show, but it was one of Clarke's favorites. He would watch the same episode over and over with her just to see her laugh at the jokes she's heard a million times. They were still funny, even if you saw them coming.

He remembered, she noticed that. His eyes came to hers and she watched as they ran down her body, stopping at her legs. She tried to stop the blush from creeping up her cheeks as he forced himself to look away.

"Only if you make it awkward, princess."

Clarke rolled her eyes. She had always hated that nickname. Sure when they were dating everyone thought it was cute. It was for a while, but then he started using it condescendingly and she hated it. Even if his voice was all husky and sexy as the word rolled off his tongue. She would rather him call her by her name.

"Right," she sighed and watched the television. Clarke felt his eyes come back to stare at her and she knew he liked what he saw.

Bellamy couldn't hide his smile. Boy she had grown up. She looked even better than when they were together, if that was possible. Even last night when she was a mess, hyperventilating on the side of the highway, she was beautiful. He had no idea why he thought letting her go was the right thing to do. He was the biggest idiot in the world.

He wanted to ask her about her life for the past two years, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't want to pry into her life. He didn't want her to know that he still cared.

Octavia startled them both, "okay guys! Lincoln is going to meet us there too. So you get to meet him!"

Bellamy grumbled and Clarke smiled, "sounds good. I'm starving."

Bellamy smiled, his eyes meeting hers. He remembered many times when they were dating how hungry she would get. She could eat more than a growing boy if she put her mind to it. Clarke hated to admit she had the stomach of a trucker. No one believed her, until they watched her put it away.

Of course Bellamy always had another way of satisfying her appetite. They were both remembering all those nights they spent together. Clarke shook her head and pushed away the fantasies. She had to focus on herself. She had to remember that she left school to figure out her life, not to wander back into a relationship that had ended on bad terms.

It didn't take long for them to get to the diner. They walked, the sun warm against their skin. Bellamy stayed on the other side of Octavia, trying his hardest not to look at Clarke. She looked so beautiful, it had been too long since they saw each other.

Clarke pushed her hair out of her face, feeling better than she had last night. This town was beautiful, she couldn't stop marveling at how homey it felt. She liked it here, she felt like the air was easier to breathe. Every once and a while she would catch Bellamy's eye. She would blush and look away before he could stare.

She had been fooling herself to think this situation would be easy. She was crazy to think they could attempt to be friends after everything they had been though. She wanted to be his friend, she wanted to be back in his life. She just wasn't sure how to do it.

"This diner has amazing food," Octavia burst her internal bubble as they sat down by the window, "don't eat too much though, we need to walk around after."

A big guy with tattoos wrapped her wrist and she squealed. She stood up and kissed him, giggling as they pulled apart, "Lincoln this is Clarke," she squirmed in his arms, "Clarke this is my boyfriend Lincoln."

Clarke smiled as he stepped around and hugged her. She had been prepared for a handshake, not a hug, "you'll find it in time," he said quietly, "don't rush what is meant to heal."

It was like he could read her mind. That scared her slightly as she pulled away. He left his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it before letting it fall. Clarke nodded her head, feeling her cheeks blush as he joined them at the table.

Bellamy took the outside seat beside Octavia, and Lincoln sat inside the booth beside Clarke. Of course she would end up across from him. She sighed, trying to avoid his gaze.

"So Octavia," she tried to keep her voice light, "how did you end up here? I mean did you guys plan to move?"

She glanced at her brother and he cleared his throat, "I wanted to move. It was hard after," he stopped, "I thought a fresh start was in order. So I found this town after my car broke down on the way to an interview a town over. Octavia fell in love instantly, and well I got another interview here. The rest is history."

"I tagged along because I didn't want to be stuck back home without my big brother. Plus I never would've met this man. He's the man of my dreams," she leaned her head on his shoulder and they both smiled. She could tell they were stupidly happy.

It hurt when she glanced at Bellamy, remembering when they had been that stupid, that happy together. She watched his eyes avoid hers. He scratched his head as the waitress came to take their orders.

Once she left Clarke smiled, "I like it here, it's so charming."

Lincoln laughed, "everyone says that when they aren't from here. I grew up here, it's charm is pretty masking how boring it can get."

"I watched Gilmore girls. Small towns have it all," Clarke raised an eyebrow at Lincoln and Octavia giggled.

"I love that show! We need to binge watch some one night. I'm so excited you're stuck here, I need a girlfriend to help me with things. Bell hates listening to me whine about my clothes or the fair."

Clarke's eyes lit up, "well I'm you're girl. I'll binge watch with the best of them. I might not be the best shopper, but I'll tag along. What's the fair?"

Bellamy groaned as his sister perked up, "I volunteered to help with the fair. I'm organizing it. I need help and no one wants to help me with the decorations and such."

"Well since I'm stuck here maybe I could help?" Clarke was timid as she watched Octavia grinned brightly.

"I would love you forever."

Lincoln scuffed and she hit his shoulder. Clarke's eyes found Bellamy's, "careful. Last time a Blake told me that it didn't work out."

The table went silent as she kept her eyes on his. He swallowed slowly, his fingers closed around the cup in front of him. He sighed and then shake his head, "yeah well you always thought you were better than us Blake's."

Clarke rolled her eyes, "give it a rest bell. You made a pretty nice life for yourself. I never thought I was better than either of you. You were the family I chose to have instead of the one I was born into. Those fears were your own insecurities."

He shook his head, "I see the broken girl from last night is gone."

Clarke stopped when she felt Lincoln and Octavia staring at them. She brushed off his comment and luckily that's when the waitress brought their food. She dug right in, thankful they didn't have to keep on talking.

They tried to stay civil for the rest of the lunch. When the waitress brought the bill, just one, they both reached for it. She got to it first, the thin receipt under the tips of her fingers. She looked up and he was staring at her. Bellamy didn't back down, his hand on top of hers.

"I got it," Clarke kept her voice light and polite. She smiled, "it's the least I can do for you letting me crash with you."

Bellamy grunted, "I got it princess. I'm not the poor boyfriend anymore."

She rolled her eyes for the second time in less than an hour, "seriously? It won't hurt your pride to let me pick up the tab."

He sighed, "Clarke will you ever stop being so stubborn? God you've been back in my life for five seconds and you're already driving me crazy!"

She smirked, "yeah well I'm not taking my hand off this check. So let me pay this one and then you can just pay all the others."

"Clarke! God damn it." He slammed his fist into the table and pulled his hand back. Everyone jumped, except Clarke. She just smiled, smug as could be, as she picked up the paper and then pulled out her wallet, "you haven't change a bit."

"Neither have you," she murmured as she stormed off and she laid down two twenties, leaving the chain as their tip.

Octavia sighed, "I'm sorry. He's still dealing with seeing you again."

She nodded, "I know. I'm not making it any easier. I don't mean to make it harder on you."

Octavia laughed, "I'm enjoying the show. I know sooner or later one of you will finally admit what I've known all along. You both still love each other."

Clarke wasn't sure about that. She knew how she felt, but she was pretty convinced that Bellamy was done with her. That hurt more than the missing memories. It hurt more than any knife he could stick in her chest.

"So this is the center of town. Do you want to hear the legend of joe the town got its name?"

Octavia had led her all around town until finally they ended up at the white gazebo Clarke couldn't stop staring at. She was excited to sit down, her feet were killing her.

They walked up the steps and sat down across from each other. Clarke rubbed her hands over her knees, looking at the beautiful wooden craftsmanship of the gazebo. Clarke ran her hand over the names that were etched into the bench. She thought about how Bellamy had done the same thing back in their hometown, on their second date.

Tears filled her eyes but she pushed them back. She looked at Octavia who smiled, "I love telling this story. It's so cute and makes you see the adorable name in a new light."

Clarke forced a smile, trying to forget about the scene Bellamy had made earlier, "okay so get on with it! I want to know this amazing story."

"Okay, so legend has it there were these two kids. They were about eighteen and they fell in love. Think Romeo and Juliet style love. The problem was their parents didn't get along. Not that they didn't get along, they had feuding business, feuding lives. They knew once they realized their feelings they would never be able to have a life together if the fighting didn't stop. So they decided to run away. He asked her to meet him here," she pointed at the gazebo, "right in this very spot. When they came together he asked her to marry him. They found their safe haven here, guided by the stars. So they named the town Stars Haven and lived happily ever after."

Clarke couldn't help but smile, "that's adorable."

She had a strong feeling it wasn't entirely true. A lot of those small town stories were created to make a tourist feel like this place was more than it was. Still she wouldn't burst Octavia's bubble. She could see the younger girl was smitten by the love story. But Clarke knew that's all it was; a story.

She saw the sign, and two old fashioned names etched bigger than the rest. Octavia saw her staring, "this gazebo was built a few years into the official town being settled. It's tradition that once you get engaged or know you're in love, even after you're married, to etch you and your persons name into the wood. That way the two founding lovers bless your Union with everyone else."

Clarke didn't realize it until she kept scanning names. She had been looking for his. A part of her wanted to know that he hadn't been serious with anyone, not since her. She hadn't been, after she left and she realized he wouldn't do long distance, she put her heart behind a very large fence. She didn't need to gain more bruises from guys who wouldn't love her in the end.

"That's cute," Clarke's eyes kept scanning. Octavia was watching and she ran her hand along a pair of names. She wondered if it was theirs.

The brunette sighed, "he's never been in love. Not since you," her big eyes found Clarke's blue ones and she smiled, "you're looking for Bells name. You won't find it."

Clarke blushed, "what about you and Lincoln?"

She nodded, her long lashes hitting her cheeks as she looked down. Clarke knew then that where she was sitting was their spot. She shook her head, wondering if her brother knew how serious they were. She wondered if he was okay with his little sister pretty much giving herself away.

"Who told you the story?" Clarke asked watching her face light up.

After a second she looked up from their names, "he brought me here on our first and then our fifth date. I'm a sucker for things like this and he knew it. It was so romantic I couldn't help but fall for him." She was so in love Clarke envied her. She had had that once and she let it slip through her fingers.

Clarke looked out of the gazebo and saw the sign for the fair. She needed to change the subject and she knew this was one subject Octavia loved more than her knew hometown, "so this fair. How did you get roped into organizing it?"

"I volunteered. It's pretty sacred around here. The entire town goes and it is family fun and just fun all around. There's games for the kids, a few rides and I convinced a pretty popular band to come for a small price. I still remember our first fair. It was two nights after we settled into our apartment. Lincoln was there and everything was just beautiful. The rides, the lights, I felt welcomed in more ways than one."

Clarke smiled, "it sounds like something from a movie."

She laughed, "he took me on the Ferris wheel and won me a stuffed animal. Sometimes I think it was all a dream. Even Bell enjoyed himself that night. It was like this magic surrounded us all and we were so amazingly happy to have each other."

Clarke thought about that magic. She wondered what it was like to feel so at ease, so at home somewhere she had never been. She understood what Octavia was saying, since she had gotten here she felt better. There was magic in the air of this small town that made her smile more, made her laugh lighter. Even the pain in her chest didn't squeeze her as tightly.

Except for the constant running into Bellamy, who she still couldn't figure out, this place was as much her safe haven as it had been for those two lovers all those years ago.

Octavia was still talking, Clarke realized a moment later, "I just can't get anyone who has the slightest bit of artistic ability to get the signs the way I want them."

Clarke smiled a real smile for the first time in what felt like ages, "that's where I came in handy."

Octavia looked excited, "exactly. You've got so much talent. I remember the painting you did for Bell," her voice stopped and she bit her lip, "the constellations you painted for him before you left. He still has that, it's so beautiful."

Clarke suppressed more tears, "are you thinking of that as a theme? Or did you have a theme?"

She shrugged, "small town has always been the theme. But we could do a night under the stars, and everything could be bright blue and shining. Oh Clarke I love it!" She clapped her hands together, "we can rename all the tents and booths for constellations and gods. This is perfect. I knew we would be the perfect team."

Clarke laughed, "yeah that we are."

There was one major problem. Clarke knew nothing about the stars and its constellations. She barely listened when Bellamy would take her out into the field and they would lay under them. She had been too busy memorizing the line of his jaw, or distracted by the way his thumb would draw circles around the back of her hand, to listen and completely absorb his stories. She was hoping Octavia would ask her brother for help.

Octavia jumped up, "let's get started! The fair is only a month away." She stopped and turned to look at Clarke, "will you stay? Even if your car is fixed and we've gotten the signs done, will you stay to see how it turned out?"

Clarke really wanted to stay. She wanted to be Octavia's roommate for as long as she possibly could. She loved this girl who she barely knew. She kicked herself for not getting to know her sooner. They had been so close and yet they never had moments like this. Clarke had a feeling she would regret this, but she nodded her head slowly.

"I'll stay," her voice was shaky, "on one condition."

Octavia looked surprised, "and what's that?"

Clarke blew out a breath and stood up, "you promise you won't let me fall in love with your brother all over again."

Octavia smiled, her arm looping through Clarke's. She laughed, squeezing her hand as they started down the steps, "honey I can't promise that. Sometimes things are just meant to be."


	4. Chapter 4

The first thing Clarke heard was screaming. She thought it was her own screams, but she realized she wasn't dreaming. She had been too tired to dream, Octavia was good at keeping her busy these last few days. After they toured the town she started in on explaining what she needed from Clarke for the fair. So they spent the last two days running around looking for scraps and things that Clarke could use. Between that and the heat, trying to ignore her pain, and avoiding Bellamy, Clarke was exhausted.

She sat up in bed, and heard Octavia yell, and then something hit the wall hard. She heard a crash, a muffled voice cursed. Clarke's heart pounded, something was really wrong.

Clarke crept out of bed, grabbing the bat she had put beside the best her first night here. Her hands were clammy, but she gripped it tightly. She walked slowly out of her room, and saw someone standing in the living room. Octavia was crying, the person wasn't someone she knew. Clarke could tell she was scared, her own pulse racing as she stepped forward.

She had the advantage, they didn't see her. She gripped the bat with both hands as the intruder grabbed Octavia and threw her against the wall. The side of her head collided with the stone wall and she winced as her friend screamed once more. Clarke heard the crack, where it came from she wasn't sure. Octavia fell to the ground, she didn't move again.

Clarke took the last step into the living room. She was right behind the intruder, and she swung the bat as hard as she could, hitting his leg. He screamed and turned to look at her. There was something in his eyes that made her remember a piece of that night. She stopped, her heart frozen as he smiled. Then he ran off before she could see who or why he was here. It was like he just wanted to see her there in the apartment.

Clarke pulled herself together, remembering Octavia. She was unconscious, still not moving. Clarke fell down beside her and felt a tear. She picked up her phone.

"911 what's your emergency?"

"I need an ambulance someone broke into our apartment. My friend, she's not moving," Clarke was scared. Not for herself, for the one person who wasn't prying into her life. Octavia and her might not have been close when she was dating her brother, but she had been nothing but nice to her since she arrived. She didn't deserve to get hurt because Clarke was staying there. She didn't deserve any of this.

It was Clarke's fault this happened, it was her fault Octavia was hurt. She shouldn't have stayed, it wasn't fair to them.

The dispatcher told her to stay on the line as the ambulance came. Clarke felt better once the paramedics pulled her onto the gurney and rolled her out. She pulled on a sweater and followed them, asking if she could ride along. She told them she didn't have another way. She wasn't sure whether it was because of her tears or if they felt sorry for her. Either way they agreed.

Clarke stayed in the corner of the ambulance as they looked over Octavia. They picked up her wrist and said numbers, they put air into her nose. They hooked up a machine to monitor her heartbeat, and Clarke fought off tears. Octavia looked so small laying there, she looked so broken. Clarke couldn't stop coming back to the fact that this was her fault. She should've told Octavia the truth, she shouldn't have closed up.

Clarke's mind was racing once they arrive at the hospital. There were a lot of things that could've happened when she hit that wall. She could have minor injuries or major ones. Her vitals were good, at least they sounded stronger than they should be. She seemed like a fighter, strong and determined to hold on, even when she was unconscious. Still Clarke had been in med school, her inner doctor was coming out. This wasn't a random patient, this was her friend.

They took Octavia into another room and she knew what she had to do. She let out a breathe, clicking the one number she should've deleted from her phone a long time ago. The one person she never thought she would call again, was the only person who needed to be here now. She felt so guilty as she waited for the ringing to stop, waiting to hear his voice on the other end. She knew he was going to blame this on her.

His deep voice was suddenly on the other end. He sounded agitated. She wondered if he was at work, "hello?"

Clarke sighed, trying to control her breathing and hold off the tears. She wasn't ready to find the right words, "Bellamy, Octavia's hurt. You need to come to the hospital."

He didn't say anything. He didn't answer her, he hung up before she heard him curse. She closed her eyes, falling down onto the chair in the waiting room wondering when she would stop ruining people's lives.

Bellamy was a mess of emotions as he sped towards the hospital. All she said was his sister was hurt. There were so many things that could've happened, so many things that single sentence could've meant. He was worried about his sister, but there was another panic in his chest. Clarke had sounded upset, if this had been minor she could've helped Octavia. She had been pre med. Still something was wrong and the two girls he cared about most were in trouble.

He slammed his hand on the steering wheel as he threw the car into park. He barely had the door closed before he was running towards the ER entrance. Panic was running through his veins, he didn't know how to settle himself down until he saw her sitting there. She was curled up in a ball, her arms hugging her legs to her chest. She looked so small, so broken. Bellamy wanted to pick her up and carry her away from here.

More than ever all he wanted to do was fix whatever part of her was broken. He wanted to start over and find a place where they could be the two people they used to be.

Clarke was sitting there on the chair, and her heart stopped when Bellamy came in. Her mouth fell open, he was a cop? She never saw that one coming, she never thought that he would have a real life here. It was strange to realize he had done all the things he wanted to do. He picked up his life and moved it where he wanted to be, he found a career that he could count on to keep him a home. She missed that confidence he had, she missed the way he would tell her their lives would start and end together.

Clarke couldn't stop staring at him. The uniform fit him in all the right places and it took him waving his hand in her face to remember why she called him.

"Earth to blondie," he snapped his fingers and she shook her head, "what the hell happened to my sister?"

Clarke covered her mouth, "someone broke in," she sobbed and Bellamy felt his heart skip a beat as he pulled herself together, "he pushed her into the wall and she fell. She wasn't moving, so I called an ambulance. They won't tell me anything because I'm not family."

"Okay, clam down," his voice was soft as he ran his hand down her arm gently. This was the nicest he had been to her since she came back into his life. This was the Bellamy she had fallen in love with. Not the stoic, angry man she had found in his place.

Clarke she her head, "I can't. It's my fault."

He stepped around her, they would address that later. He had to find out what was happening to his baby sister. He let go of Clarke's arm, grabbing a nurse. He was panicking and he needed answers in order to calm down, "Octavia Blake, please do you know what's happening with her?"

She shook her head and pointed to the nurses station. Clarke stood there watching, as he yelled loudly at the nurses. If she wasn't so shaken she would've told him to calm down, this wasn't how things got done. She might not have gotten far in her courses, but she had been a shadow at the hospital. When relatives threw a fit they were thrown out. But she couldn't move, she was still trying to process the fact that someone had hurt her friend.

"Blake," a doctor came out of the swinging doors and looked around. His eyes landed on Bellamy, "I take it you're here for Octavia Blake."

"Yeah," his voice broke as he stepped forward. Everyone was watching him, he was supposed to be the authority figure. Yet he was the one throwing a fit, "is she okay? What happened?"

He looked at Clarke and then at Bellamy, "she has a pretty big bump on the head. I want to keep her for observation, but she's awake. She has a headache. But nothing is broken or damaged beyond repair. She's asking for her brother."

"Thank you," he shook the man's hand and started towards her room. Bellamy stopped and looked at Clarke who hadn't moved to follow, "are you coming?"

She shuffled her feet and then walked towards him. Her eyes were staring at the back of his head as they made their way down the hall. He was holding himself tightly together, Clarke could see it. She let out a breath, wondering when he would talk to her. She wanted to tell him she was sorry, but she didn't think those words were big enough to make up for the last year. There wasn't anything she could say or do to mend the broken boy she had left behind.

That hurt more than her missing memories.

Octavia was sitting up smiling as they both walked through the doors, "Bell," her face lit up as Clarke came in next, "Clarke!"

Clarke smiled and hugged her first, "you've got pain meds, huh?"

She giggled and then Bellamy hugged her tightly, "what happened Octavia? I get a call from a crying Clarke who says you're here. I almost had a heart attack."

She shrugged, "I woke up and someone was banging on the door. I looked through the hole and he pushed in. I screamed and he acted like he was looking for someone," she paused and looked at Clarke, "he was looking for you."

Bellamy's hands clenched, "I knew I shouldn't have brought her to you. God I was stupid for thinking it was a good idea," his eyes flashed with anger, "you were right. It is your fault. It's always your fault when one of us gets hurt."

Clarke let out a sob, "I'm sorry," she looked away before she could see Octavia hit her brother's arm. Bellamy was right, the last one who got hurt was him. Because she had too much pride to ask him to come along, or to ask him to wait. He would've done both if it meant she thought they could survive the distance. If she thought her bright further was good enough to include his dull one.

Octavia was mad he was yelling at her friend, "she saved me. She hit him with a bat. Be nice, she's shaken too. It's not her fault, it's no ones fault but the asshole who broke in."

Bellamy shook his head. He didn't want to fight with Clarke not here when his sister needed him. He sighed, rubbing his eyes, it had been a slow night at the station, "God I shouldn't have let you move out. I'm staying over tomorrow, and the guys are going to search the apartment for anything that might lead us to this intruder."

She rolled her eyes, "no. Lincoln already claimed that title. You aren't staying over we're fine. We fought him off all on our own."

Clarke was glad Octavia was okay, but she knew she had overstayed her welcome, "I should go. I've done nothing but cause trouble."

Bellamy's voice was gruff, "yeah you should go," he didn't hide his anger towards her. Clarke wasn't surprised, he hadn't been hiding his dislike for her since she hit his car.

Still she knew deep down she didn't want to leave. This place felt safe, even after that asshole broke into the place. She liked it here, better than she did anywhere else. She could understand why Bellamy stayed when he broke down. She could see how easily he fight into the small town life, the one he always wanted for the two of them.

Octavia shook her head, "no you're staying. I won't take no for an answer. You're my friend and I don't blame you. I don't blame anyone," she glared at her brother, "Bell's just angry because he still hasn't —"

He cut his sister off with a look, "hey, maybe you should get some rest. You got a big bump on the head."

Octavia rolled her eyes at her brother, and Clarke was pretty sure she knew where that sentence was going. She hadn't gotten over him either, and it seemed like fate had stepped in to bring them back together. Why else would this be the place where she fell apart? Why else would this be the place were no one seemed to stop for more than a day?

Clarke sighed and let the comment slip through her hands like she always did. Bellamy started to calm down. He looked at her with hard eyes, "I need answers. I don't care if you don't want to talk about it. Octavia almost got hurt because of whatever you're hiding."

"Bellamy!" Octavia winced as she raised her voice. She was upset, "no I don't have to know. It's not fair to make her share her secrets if you don't have to share yours."

Clarke smiled at her, "no I think you should know. I uh, I'll tell you."

The doctor walked in just then and Clarke didn't have a chance to keep going. Bellamy was shooting daggers at her across the bed as she listened to the doctor tell him about his sister. She was going to be fine, Clarke could breathe a little easier.

She knew she had to tell them, it was only fair. She didn't what anything else to happen. She wanted this place to be better than the last. She wanted to fit in and she wanted Octavia to be her friend. Clarke would do whatever she had to do to be able to stay here with them.


	5. Chapter 5

Bellamy didn't waste anytime making Clarke share her story. Octavia was released after two hours because they were all sick of the Blake siblings. Bellamy would yelled and Octavia would whine. Once the doctor said there was no damage and if she wanted she could go home, Bellamy signed her out and drove them all home in his truck. It was a quiet ride, and Octavia held her hand trying to reassure her that she wasn't going anywhere.

Once they were back at Octavia's apartment, Clarke felt the pressure. Her heart was hammering inside her chest, she felt the tightness start. She let out a slow breath, fighting off the tears. She couldn't breathe, the panic was setting in. She stood outside the door that led into the building and closed her eyes.

"Aren't you coming in?" Octavia's voice was soft.

Clarke knew when she opened her eyes both of them would be staring at her. She could feel the waves start to pull her down, "yeah," her voice caught, "just give me a minute."

Tears filled her eyes, Clarke wasn't sure how much longer she could keep it together. She opened them and saw Bellamy was still standing there. He must have sent his sister in, because she was gone. Clarke wiped away a tear, "hey," his deep voice sent shivers down her arms, "you don't have to do this alone anymore."

Clarke tried her hardest to keep herself together, "I'm fine," she nodded her head, knowing the words weren't true.

He shook his head and walked into the apartment. Clarke stood there for a few more minutes, pulling herself together and coming down from the attack she had fought off successfully. Clarke squeezed her hands together and knew she shouldn't keep them waiting. She didn't want Bellamy to have another reason to hate her.

The siblings were waiting for her. Octavia was curled up on the couch and Clarke took a seat beside her. She smiled, grabbing Clarke's hand once again. She felt better, she felt closer to this girl than she ever had before. She was grateful for her in that moment more than ever. Because this would be the hardest thing she had ever done. She would finally tell the story, out loud to someone else.

Her eyes locked with his and she wondered if should would survive this.

Bellamy's gaze was softer than Clarke had seen it in a long time. He used to look at her with those big eyes, his gaze the same one he had now. Her mom claimed he looked at her like she hung the moon in the sky. She said that was dangerous, he loved her too much for her to find out what this world had to offer her. Clarke didn't believe that, she had been in love with Bellamy since she could remember. There was no one else for her, at least that's what she thought until her mother made her choose.

She still didn't know why she choose school, why she had a desire to get out and see the world if that meant he wasn't with her. It was hard to understand the heart, but when it was given an ultimatum like that one you had to listen to the first choice you made. Sometimes it was the only explanation you needed.

Bellamy had his hands between his knees. He was listening, which was good because she finally felt ready to share. Maybe she could help herself by getting the pain off her chest. It was the only thing she could do to stop him from hating her. After what happened to Octavia she hated herself a little more than before. She didn't want anyone getting hurt because of her.

Octavia picked up her hand and she started with a shaky voice, "Lexa was my friend. I would've called her my best friend," there was a break in Clarke's voice, "that was before. I guess I should start at the beginning. Which would be just after I left."

 _One month earlier_

The party was loud and going at full force by the time they arrived. Clarke would've preferred to be back at her apartment watching Netflix and eating ice cream, than here in this room. But she had promised her best friend she would try. She had been nagging her to get out and have some fun, let her hair down, for half the semester now. Her workload had gotten lighter, so she thought this weekend would be better than any to try and let go of him. She was always trying to let go of him.

It had been two years since they last saw each other. She stopped trying to call him after three months of school. He never tried to call her unless he was drunk, which was the only time his true feelings were on display. Her heart ached as she stood there at the party watching girls getting ready to hook up with random guys. She never was that girl, she was a one boy girl. And that boy had left her walk away without a fight.

Lexa was the partier, the wild one out of the group. She always knew when and where the next big thing would happen. So when she begged Clarke to come along, she knew it wouldn't be boring. Still that didn't mean Clarke didn't try and put up a fight. Lexa loved their movie nights, Clarke would make her pancakes and they would just watch shows or movies and talk about life together. Lexa knew more about Bellamy and the life she left behind than anyone else at that school. She always listened when Clarke needed to talk.

Which was why Clarke had given in and went to the party with Lexa.

Clarke kept to herself, choosing to ignore the dark haired boy who stood watching her. She liked being a wallflower, she would rather observe than engage at first. She saw girls drinking way too much and she wondered who would end up with alcohol poisoning. She never did like drinking, she hated waking up not remembering what happened. She did that a few nights after she first got here, trying to fit in. Trying to forget his handsome face.

Clarke snapped back into reality as Lexa pushed a drink into her hand. She was already tipsy, "you're going to have fun. Drink up!"

She rolled her eyes, but took a sip anyways. Lexa was always telling her she needed to act her age and have fun. In her words we only got one time around, one college experience. The problem was this wasn't fun to Clarke. This was torture.

It took Clarke half the evening to finish whatever was in that cup. Once it was gone, she started to feel it. She wasn't a lightweight, she could hold her own drinking. She didn't do it often, but she knew it didn't take her one drink to get drunk. She had food in her stomach, she wasn't going on empty. The alcohol shouldn't have made her feel this way.

The room started to blur, her legs got weak as she fell onto the couch. A group gathered around her and she could hear them talking, but she couldn't exactly see their faces. Her senses were getting messed up, her tongue felt heavy in her mouth.

"Told you they worked fast," Lexa's voice came through her haze.

Clarke realized this was a set up far too late. One of the older boys brought his hand up her thigh, she hadn't even realized someone had sat down beside her. She opened her eyes, he wasn't attractive, he was scary looking. She wanted to yell or scream for help, but she couldn't figure out a way to do it. It was like her brain understood what was happening, but her body didn't know how to defend itself anymore.

She tried to will her hand to move and push his away, but it wouldn't. Her mind said no, it was dreaming no, but her muscles weren't listening. Her heart beat wasn't picking up, but she was panicking. She didn't understand what was happening, why would Lexa do this to her? There were tears in her eyes, she couldn't move but she could cry apparently.

"No," her words were slurred and it wasn't because of the alcohol.

She couldn't focus but the same boy was running his hand up and down her leg. She felt dirty, he wasn't the big strong tan hand he was used to, "shh," his voice was even disgusting, "I won't hurt you."

Someone else spoke up next, "I thought you said she'd pass out?"

"She will, give it time."

The last thing Clarke remembers were arms wrapping around her. Someone strong carrying her to a room and sitting her down on the mattress. Her body shut down, everything goes black after that. She passed out, and the rest of the events were gone. They were pieces she couldn't find, she couldn't put them back together no matter how hard she tried. It scared her to know that something happened and she didn't know what it was.

Clarke wiped away a tear as she finished her story. She noticed Bellamy's hands were clenched together so hard his knuckles turned white. He was mad, all he could think was what he would do if this was Octavia who was telling the story. Although it hurt just as much coming from Clarke, the girl who got away. The girl he could've built a future with, if he hadn't been so stubborn and let her go.

He could've stopped this from happening. He could've been there, hell if he had gone along with her there wouldn't have been a party to go to. All they needed was each other and they would've been happy together. He knew Clarke she hated partying. She let out a slow breath, her cheeks were pink.

She was embarrassed for breaking down, she was embarrassed to tell the truth.

Clarke sobbed as Octavia wiped away her tears, "I still can't remember who took me to the room where I woke up. The worst part is I don't remember what happened _after_ the door closed either. I woke up in my bed alone, confused and trying too hard to remember. I felt like I had a hangover, but I didn't. It was the drugs, they had the same effect as ten drinks would've."

"Clarke," Bellamy's voice was soft and she looked at him. She looked so broken all he wanted to do was put the pieces back together for him. After he found the assholes who did this and put them through the same hell she was going through.

"I remember enough to know it was Lexa's idea. Those guys told her they could loosen me up. Apparently that was how, by drugging me and doing things I would've said no to."

"Assholes," Octavia's voice was soft in her ear, "they deserve to rot in hell."

Clarke forced a smile, "I'm done holding onto the pain they caused. I'll never forgive them, but I have to move on. I feel safe here with you," her eyes found his, "I feel like I'm back home and none of this happened."

Bellamy was shaking his head, his heart hurting for her. He was angry, he wished he would've known this was why she had panicked when they first met again. She bolted out of his car and broke down because those assholes had put their hands on her. She was falling apart because some girl had pretended to be her friend just to make a fool out of her. He was more than angry, he wanted revenge.

After a moment he cleared his throat, Clarke didn't know it but this whole story made me feel worse than he had the day she left, "then you're going to stay with us."

Clarke couldn't help but smile, "I can't impose. I've already gotten Octavia hurt and I know I'm not your favorite person," her eyes fell down to her hands. She couldn't look at him when she remembered how much she hurt him, "I hit your car, pretty much totaled mine. I broke your heart and chose to go there and let this happen to me. You don't have to be nice to me, I understand. You said we weren't friends anymore, and I understand."

Bellamy looked away before she could see the hurt in his eyes. He didn't want her to leave because he knew this time she'd never come back. He hadn't meant it when he said he didn't love her anymore, that they weren't friends. He couldn't let her go this time, "Clarke I didn't mean it."

She looked at him and Octavia sighed, "what he means is that it's just his way, he's a big softy, you should know that the most," she smiled and she knew his sister was remembering all the nights she got her out of trouble when she would kiss his neck and pull his attention back to them instead of her, "don't let that frown he's adapted these last two years fool you."

Bellamy tried to hide his smile, but Clarke saw it at the corner of his mouth, "at least let me help with rent or food, something. You both know I'm not a freeloader, I want to help with my share."

Octavia sighed, "fine you can buy food for the apartment. All you're doing is complaining about how I don't have good snacks."

Clarke laughed, "thank you," she hugged the girl who had always been in her life, even if they weren't best friends, "and I promise as soon as I plan what's next I'll be out of your space," her eyes found Bellamy, "and you won't have to think of me again."

Bellamy swallowed as his sister squealed and hugged Clarke. He didn't want her to leave, he didn't want her out of his life, but he didn't know how to tell her that. He was never good at talking about his feelings, or what to do with them. When they were together it was easier. He knew what she wanted, he could read her like the back of his hand. Now she was a stranger and he wasn't sure how to make her see he was still in love with that pretty, stubborn face of hers.

Clarke didn't see him smile, watching as she hugged his sister. The two might not have been friends before, but they were now. He loved his sister, and he didn't want her to be alone in that apartment just yet. Even if Lincoln promised to keep an eye on the two of them, Bellamy had the night shift for the weekend. He would drive by every hour to make sure they were safe.

Clarke looked over at Bellamy, "are you sure you're okay with this?"

He nodded slowly, "yeah," he cleared his throat and looked back at her nervously, "I uh, i think you should stay. I mean we're all friends here right?"

She smiled slightly and then hugged him, "I know you hate me, you have every right to hate me. But I've missed you, Bell. I missed you a lot more than I ever thought possible," her words were soft, but her breath against his skin made him shiver, "I'm sorry."

He sighed and stepped away, "just don't let her get hurt again," he said quietly and then looked at Clarke, "don't let yourself fall apart anymore."

Bellamy hated the guys who touched her, he hated Lexa and the fact that she was the mastermind behind what happened. He wanted to find them and hurt them, they had broken the spirit of the girl who deserved the world. She had been so full of fire when they were together, so independent and relied on herself. She barely let Bellamy make her decisions if they were together, and now she was half of the person she was. He hated that she let them break her, but he could see her slowly rebuilding here with them.

He could still remember how bright her smile was when they were dating. She would look at him and her face would light up. His mom told him after watching them together, that you could tell a woman was in love by her smile. Clarke's smile was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and he loved when he could make it appear. His mom told him they were going to be together for a long time.

I guess a long time wasn't as long as everyone thought. Not when her mother told her it was the money and school or him. She chose the easy way out, she packed her bags and set out for the medical education she told him she never wanted. He knew she couldn't live without her family, but he never realized they were more important to her than him. She never told him that blood was thicker than water, not when he loved her as much as he did.

Clarke seemed happier with his sister and that made Bellamy slightly jealous. He wanted to be the one to make her smile, to make her forget about the pain she's been carrying around with her. But he had been an asshole that first night, telling her they weren't friends. He was so mad at himself he could scream. He stood there watching them talk about shopping tomorrow.

Then he realized he had an idea, "Clarke," Bellamy stopped her before she followed his sister down the hall to her room, "I uh, I wondered if I could show you something tomorrow? There's this place I think you should see."

Clarke's eyes were bright. Bellamy felt his mouth go dry waiting for her answer. He knew her, he knew she would live the light of the sun hitting the water, she would want to draw the beauty of the lake around her. He wanted to make her smile, to show her that the world was beautiful and there was nothing to be afraid of.

He was waiting for her to reject him. He might have a long line of girls waiting for him at night, but there was only one girl he wanted to spend his entire day with. He never dated after he lost her because he hated this feeling, and it was only worth it for one person. She was standing there looking at him.

Slowly she nodded her head, "okay, yeah. I'll go with you," she looked over at Octavia who smiled brightly, "just don't plan on burying my body in the woods or anything. I told you I'm still a fighter. Even if I did just cry my eyes out while telling that story."

He laughed, "don't worry I wouldn't plan on it. I'm pretty sure you can kick my ass anyways."

She flashed him one of those rare smiles, "yeah me too. So just pick me up. You know where I am."

Relief flooded through him as she went to join his sister. Bellamy stood there for a few minutes longer, and thought about how easy it had been to ask her on a date. He took in a breath, feeling the air in his lungs. He could breathe easier, she was back in his life. He had missed her more than he thought possible. He couldn't hide the smile anymore as he let himself out of the apartment.

He didn't know how it was possible but he felt that ball of anger slowly loosen inside his chest. The blue eyed girl he thought he had lost was finally back in his life. This time he would't let her slip through his fingers. He would do whatever he could do to put her back together and make her fall in love all over again.


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke could tell Bellamy was nervous. He kept pulling at his collar as he stood in the doorway to his sister's apartment. Clarke smiled as she walked down the hallway towards him and he stopped to stare. His eyes went wide and his mouth fell open slightly. Clarke liked his reaction, she couldn't help but stare at him as well. He looked so nice in his dark clothing.

"Hi," she said nervously. She felt the butterflies in her stomach. She was just as nervous as he was for this date. It was like they were starting all over.

He wanted to run his hand down her arm, but he didn't reach towards her, "hey. You ready to head out?"

She nodded, they were both surprised his sister wasn't there annoying both of them. He opened the door for Clarke. Once they were safely inside his truck, he let out a sigh of relief. He felt like he had to be on his best behavior, he didn't want to screw this up before it even started. He wanted this second chance with her.

"You look nice," Bellamy's voice cracked. Clarke smiled, pushing a curl behind her ear. She could feel her cheeks flush, he watched the color fill her pale skin. He liked to know that he still had an affect on her.

"Thanks," her voice was quiet. She mentally praised herself for letting Octavia dress her today. She had been worried her new friend would go overboard. Since Bellamy hadn't told her anything about what they were doing, she knew it wasn't a ball gown required event. But his sister had a pretty good idea in what they would be doing, so she had picked out a pretty blue dress that clenched at the waist. It feel down to her knees and had a white tribal design. Octavia said her brother loved to see Clarke's blue eyes pop.

She even let the younger Blake do her makeup. She had a little brown eyeshadow, making hr eyes even bluer. Clarke had been against lipstick, she never liked wearing makeup. But Octavia had convinced her she needed to try. If Bell was trying, so should she. She gave in and actually liked the way it looked. It was light against her creamy complexion, it didn't cause too much attention. She felt more put together than she had in the last few days.

Bellamy was wearing a pair of dark jeans and an army green shirt. Clarke loved that color, especially against his dark skin. It looked so good against his dark body, she couldn't stop staring at him. She bit her lip, looking away before he caught her staring at him. She supposed he was trying too, since he had remembered her favorite color.

"So where are we going?" Clarke broke the silence as Bellamy drove slowly down the only main road in town. They were getting close to the end of it. Clarke was still taken by the beauty of the entire town, she didn't care where they were going. For the first time in forever she wanted to just go where the wind took her.

"It's a surprise," Bellamy smiled as she sighed.

Clarke hated surprises. She always had, "Bell."  
He raised his eyebrows, enjoying her protest, "you'll like this surprise. I promise you will."

She rolled her eyes and felt the car hit gravel. She had to laugh as she looked out her window and saw them rolling down a dirt covered road. This was something out of a country song. She never pegged Bellamy as a country music lover. Or a boy who would reenact the lyrics from them. Maybe a lot had changed since they last saw each other.

Clarke got excited when she saw the lake come into view, "oh my god."

Bellamy smiled, feeling her excitement. He hadn't seen that spark or smile since she had come back into his life, "I told you you'd like it."

She was ready to jump out of the truck, "I know why you told me to bring my sketchbook now."

She had been a little uneasy when he called her earlier and told her to pack the sketchbook. Since she hadn't drawn in a while she wasn't sure she was ready to just pick it back up. Of course she also thought this was a date. Neither one of them had said the words out loud, but they were both pretty sure it was. Who brought an art project on dates?

Clarke knew she wouldn't regret it as sat there looking out the windshield. The sunlight reflected off the water perfectly, Clarke's fingers were itching to grab her pencil already. She hadn't had that urge in a long time, she almost forgot what it felt like. She smiled as she imagined shading in the trees.

Bellamy's hand was resting on the seat between them. She wanted to pick it up, but she knew she had to take this slow. No matter how much either of them wanted this to work, they both knew the pain that came with a tearful goodbye. Neither one of them wanted to go through that again. Just like Bellamy had held back at the apartment, she kept her hand beside her.

He parked the truck in the grass a little bit away from the water, "you used to draw all the time," he turned to look at her, "I can't remember a time when you didn't have a pencil in your hand, your hair, even on your ear. I wanted you to draw again. I won't let them take that from you too."

Clarke's eyes filled with tears. She was overly emotional these last few days. She blamed Octavia and the way she felt so easy in her skin around her. That and all their nights watching movies was catching up to her, "I've missed this feeling. I miss the girl I was, but I can't seem to find her anywhere."

Bellamy took the chance and picked up her hand. He squeezed it gently. She had forgotten how warm he always was, "I think she's still there. I can see her in moments like this."

Bellamy brought her hand up higher and for a moment she thought he was going to kiss it. She wanted him to. She wanted to feel his lips on her skin again. She wanted to feel how soft and experienced they were. But he didn't kiss her, instead he squeezed it once more then let it fall back down on the seat.

"Come on. It's even prettier up close," they both threw their doors open and Clarke grabbed her sketchbook.

She squealed loudly as Bellamy rolled his jeans up and stuck his feet in. He kicked the water towards her and she moved her papers out of the way. It would've been bittersweet, she realized, if there was a dock for them to sit on. Instead there was just a grassy edge and she was grateful for that. As much as she loved that memory of the two of them, sometimes it hurt to revisit it.

Clarke pulled her flip flops off and followed the actions of her date. The water was warm and she didn't have to force her smile as she sat down beside him. It was real and she felt like she could finally relax as the warm water seeped between her toes. She wiggled them and took in the fresh air.

Clarke started drawing as they sat there together. She quickly passed over the page with his drawing, she could feel him watching her. He had always loved how focused she got when she was drawing. He loved to see the concentration on her face, how determined she was to get every single detail right. She was a perfectionist. He loved how in love with the arts she always was.

"So," Clarked liked silence, but she wanted to know how he had gotten here, "a cop huh? How did that happen?"

He splashed his feet again. He couldn't help but feel like he was seventeen again. Finding Clarke for the second time was even sweeter, "I was on my way to Virginia. I had an interview for their department set up. When I broke down here the Sheriff came out. He heard I wanted a police job and offered me the open position on his team on the spot. They sent me to the academy and I learned that I was good at protecting people. I've always been protecting Octavia, I might as well do it for the rest of the people here."

She smiled, drawing lines, her mind thinking about him in his uniform. She had never thought she'd see him in one like that, but boy did it put scenarios in her head, "you never mentioned you had an interest in law enforcement."

He laughed, she had forgotten how she loved to make him laugh, "I didn't know you cared, princess."

Clarke's hand stopped moving and she looked up at him, "no matter what you think happened after I left, I always cared Bell."

He looked away and she frowned. Leave it to her to bring up their baggage and ruin this nice moment. A moment when she thought they were both shedding their walls and finding their way back to each other.

"So how was med school? Everything your mom wanted for you?"

Clarke winced at his words. She didn't know how to explain that it wasn't right for her. Even if she loved helping people, she wanted a different path, "to be honest it wasn't working even before all that happened. It wasn't hard, I mean the workload was pretty heavy. But I managed it. It was me. My heart just wasn't in it anymore."

"So you didn't like school," he asked watching as she sighed. Clarke stopped drawing and sat there staring at the water.

She never asked herself that question before. Did she hate school or did she hate being away from home? It wasn't home itself, but the people she cared about. Then again she had always felt a little lost without him. It wasn't school, she realized. She loved learning, she had always loved school. But this had been different than all the other schooling.

Finally she sighed, "I didn't hate school. I just miss home."

Bellamy scratched the back of his neck and squinted his eyes against the sun, "do you still miss home?"

Clarke shrugged, not sure of what exactly he meant. She knew home wasn't always a place or location. Sometimes home was a person.

"Not since I found myself here," she looked away, blushing at the water. She was picked her pencil back up to draw, letting out a slow breath. She could feel him staring.

He wanted to ask her if she missed him, but he didn't get a chance to. Because her phone started ringing loudly in her purse and she jumped. If Bellamy hadn't reached out to grab her arm and steady her she would've went in the water. Clarke gave him a grateful smile and then slowly pulled the device out of her bag.

"Hello?" She didn't want to answer, she just wanted to spend this time alone with him. But if it was Octavia she knew she wouldn't stop calling. If it was her mother, well she would have to deal with that.

There was a pause and the other end was silent. Clarke sighed and was about to hang up. She wanted to get back to her date, "Clarke," the voice on the other end stopped her.

Her heart froze and she felt her eyes go wide. She sat up straighter, Bellamy watched concerned, "Lexa."


	7. Chapter 7

Clarke blew out a breath and tried to pull herself together. She hadn't been expecting this phone call. Especially not when she was with Bellamy. Not in what seemed like the perfect moment they were sharing, "I don't want to talk to you."

She heard her former friend sigh, "but I need to talk to you. I'm sorry, you never came home when I was here. All I've wanted to do is apologize. You're my friend and I had no right to hurt you or embarrass you like that. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it."

"I was your friend," Clarke felt her stomach fall as she imagined Lexa's face falling. She wanted to believe they were still friends, but that was part of the pain, "we're not friends anymore, Lexa. Not after you drugged me."

She let out a sigh and shook her head. Lexa's voice broke, "you went into hiding I couldn't find you. I wanted to do this in person, but when I called your mom she didn't know you left."

Great. Now her mom would be calling her. She hated Lexa even more for getting her mom involved in something she was still dealing with. She bit her lip hard, trying not to cry as she sat there. She didn't want to screw up this first date since it all fell apart. But she was having a hard time holding herself together.

Lexa couldn't have picked a better time to pop back into her life.

Clarke closed her eyes and squeezed them tight. She let out a breath, feeling the pain come back, "Lexa please. If you're really sorry than you'll leave me alone. You did this, you ended our friendship. You don't get a right to miss me."

"Clarke please," her voice cut off because the phone was ripped away from her ear. She opened her eyes and Bellamy was staring at her hard, pressing the thing up to his ear.

She watched as he practically growled the words at her, "listen you're going to leave Clarke alone. Or you'll have to deal with me and we both don't want that to happen. My mom always told me never hit a woman. But I'll make an exception this once, if it means protecting Clarke."

He was quiet as Lexa spoke, his eyes didn't give her anything. She had no idea what he was thinking or what she was saying. He seemed to relax a little as he listened to her and then he blew out a breath.

"You can lose her number and forget all about her. Because if you try to see her, call her, or find her you'll reach me instead," he laughed, "who the hell am I? I'm your worst nightmare."

Clarke smiled, she didn't need him to protect her. But he was being big brother Bellamy. He was looking out for her the way he did for Octavia even when she still felt like he was still on the fence about the two of them. She was glad Lexa hadn't caught her off guard like this when she was alone. She was pretty sure she would've broken down completely again. The panic attack to end all panic attacks.

He ended the phone call and she looked at him, "you didn't have to do that," she was quiet as she turned it off. She didn't need her mother interrupting their night either, "but thank you."

He nodded and watched as she wiped away another tear. She was quiet as she looked down at her half finished drawing, wondering if she could find that place again. As beautiful as this place was, she didn't feel that excitement she had pulling up. She felt it vanish when Lexa spoke into her ear.

Clarke kept staring at the water, "Lexa never once pressured me into her life. We were friends, but if I didn't want to party she would go without me. She told me to get you out of my life I had to get rid of everything we shared. I burned the pictures," Clarke's voice broke, "but I kept the shirt. When she drugged me, I never wanted to go back. I wouldn't have gotten my stuff, I can afford to start over. But I wanted the last thing I had left of you."

His eyes were bright, "she asked if I was him. As if I was the bad guy in this situation. She said she should've known you'd run home to me. I was the reason this happened," Clarke looked up with more tears in her eyes, "I don't know why someone who calls themselves your friend would ever want to hurt you like this. But you don't have to do it alone anymore. I might have been an asshole these last few days, but I'm here for you Clarke."

She smiled smiled, wiping away a few tears, "if you weren't here I would've had a panic attack. I hate them, but they come with the pain and missing memories."

He was quiet beside her, and slowly she felt him pick up her hand, "I'm sorry Clarke. I'm sorry that this is what had to happen for us to get our second chance."

She sighed, realizing how amazing that sounded. Even if she couldn't piece it back together, she had still found her way back to him. She gave him a forced smile and he pulled his hand back. Their moment was over, the spell was broken. Her heart sank as he looked away at the water.

"So," Bellamy ran a hand through his hair, "I thought I'd uh, help you out. I mean, you know make you feel safer."

She laughed through the tears, "I thought the pain was getting easier to bare. With Octavia and you I don't feel like I'm suffocating as much. Apparently I only fall apart in front of you. I'm sorry, this was supposed to be fun. And I'm crying."

Bellamy shrugged, he didn't care that she was crying. Well he did care but that didn't make this date any less special. He knew she was still fragile, even if she wouldn't admit it. That's why he took her phone and told that bitch to leave her alone. Even if they weren't together, which he really wanted to change, he would protect her. He would make sure she felt safe no matter where she was.

He could kick himself for not being there to protect her. If he hadn't been so stubborn she might have been on the phone with him or hell maybe he would've went up for a visit. But instead he gave her radio silence and forced her into a friendship that ruined her strength.

Bellamy bit the inside of his cheek, a nervous habit she always scolded him for, "ever since we were born crying was a sign that we were alive," his voice was soft as he kept staring at her. She was surprised as he kept going, "crying isn't weakness, just like love isn't weakness. You trust me enough to be vulnerable Clarke. That's something you don't feel around everyone."

Clarke wiped away a tear. She knew he was right. She didn't want to admit how easy it was to trust him, even after years apart. She hated falling apart in front of other people, she always had. She couldn't even cry around her mother. But falling apart in front of Bellamy, who she was still so confused about, wasn't as hard as it was with everyone else.

She felt herself start to calm down, his warm hand on her shoulder was helping. She forced a smile, "you make it a little easier."

Bellamy couldn't help but smile back at her. He felt that tug in his heart again, "well I know you've always been strong and independent. You should be able to feel safe with yourself. Come here."

They both stood up and he offered her his hand. She felt him squeeze it gently and then they walked towards the trees. She couldn't believe how beautiful it was here. The sun shining off the lake, the trees swaying in the wind. It took her back to the days when they were happy and together. She felt homesick, but then she looked at Bellamy beside her and she felt it pass.

Clarke knew in that moment why Octavia couldn't promise her she would keep her from falling in love with him. Because the younger girl had known, even before she had been here an entire day, what Clarke tried so hide to bury deep down. She was still in love with Bellamy Blake. No matter what Lexa had tried to do to get him out of her life, off her mind, she held onto him. She held onto the way she felt whenever she was with him.

She couldn't help but wonder if he did the same. Now that they were alone on what she would classify as a date, she hoped he had been lying that first day. It felt like a lifetime ago when she sat in his car and he said they didn't have to pretend to be friends, he didn't hate her anymore. But he didn't love her either. She squeezed his hand this time, smiling as his beautiful eyes met hers.

Clarke felt like she could trust her gut instinct for the first time since last month. She never realized how much that tortured her, the same way her missing memories did. She hated questioning herself, but with Bellamy she didn't doubt the choices she made.

They walked away from the water, their steps slow, their fingers still laced together. Every so often Bellamy would squeeze her fingers and she could feel her heart stop hurting for a second. Bellamy caught her smiling as she watched their feet step together. He wanted to tell her how beautiful that smile was, but he didn't want her to run off from him just yet.

As they got further into the trees, Clarke could see a fence. Then as they got closer she could see tin cans sitting on top of it.

"What's this?" She asked quietly as he pulled his hand out of hers. She felt her heart sink as her hand fell back down beside her. He reached around his waist and pulled out something black.

She gasped as he offered her the gun. She pulled back and he sighed, "Clarke I know you've always been a healer. You're going to school to be a doctor. Excuse me you were," he cleared his throat, "but you need to be able to protect yourself, then you'll feel safe. Let me teach you to do that."

She sighed, "Bell. I've never handled a gun before," her hands were shaking as she stood there. She kept them at her sides, she was still scared of this thing.

"It's easy. Don't worry it won't bite you," he laughed as she rolled her eyes. Bellamy loved to get under her skin when they were getting along.

She bit her lip, she had no idea how sexy he found that simple gesture, "Bell," he groaned, he loved the way she called him that, "you're serious?"

He smiled and took a step forward, "turn to your side. Good line yourself up with one of the tins," she did as he told her to do, "alright now stand up straighter. Stand with your feet shoulder width apart."

She arched her back and parted her feet. She was more than aware of Bellamy's body behind hers. They both heard her gasp as he wrapped his arms around her body, placing the gun in her hand. He took her hands in between his big ones as she got familiar with the weight of the weapon.

"Line the gun up with the tin," his breath was hot in her air and she shivered. She looked at the tins and felt like the gun was pointed at the middle tin she was lined up with.

The wind picked up slightly, cooling her warm cheeks down. She let out a slow breath, feeling his fingers drag their way down her arm. She wanted to close her eyes and savor this moment. There were so many nights she had dreamed about this happening again. If she tried hard enough she could imagine his soft lips pressing against the curve of her neck. Her favorite spot.

After a moment Clarke pulled herself together and forced away the fantasies. It didn't help that he moved his left hand down and placed it against her stomach. They both paused, she felt his hand shaking before he pressed it against her body. They both felt the warmth from each other seeping into the other. Clarke heard him sigh and she wondered if he was as affected by this touch as she was. She tried to focus on the tin cans.

"Now breath in deeply and when you're ready, pull the trigger," he took a step back, the air clearing her head. She could think clearer at she brought both hands up and held the gun steady. She looked at the tin can in front of her and forgot all about her fantasies. She thought about the digesting pigs that touched her. She thought about Lexa and how she used her for her own amusement.

She counted to five in her head, and then she pulled the trigger.

The bullet went straight through the middle can. Clarke had to take a step back from the kick the gun sent through her. Once she regained her balance she realized the can had fallen. She threw her hands up, laughing as she saw Bellamy's smug smile, "I hit it!"

She wrapped her arms around his neck, she could feel her heart beat against her chest, and suddenly she couldn't think about anything but what it would feel like to press her lips against his. Bellamy took the gun from her and her arms fell down. She lost her chance, as he put it down on the grass.

She bit her lip, picking her head up to look at him once again. Her life might be falling apart, but there had been one thing she got right. Finding Bellamy Blake, being here with him made her mess feel somehow cleanable. She could see a future that wasn't hazy and filled with more questions rather than answers.

Bellamy was thinking the same thing, she just didn't know it. He couldn't stop thinking of all the time they had lost, all the tears he had shed for her. He missed her, he wanted to claim her once and for all. He wanted to stop dancing around his feelings. He never hated her, not for a single second.

"Bellamy," she said his name and he couldn't wait another moment.

Her blue eyes found his and she stepped forward. He wrapped his arms around her waist, smiling as he heard her gasp. She was surprised at how forward he was, and then he closed the gap between them. He pressed his mouth to hers and Clarke felt the world stop turning.

Watching him cry in the rearview mirror two years ago, Lexa, the event, everything that had happened up until this moment no longer mattered. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in closer, kissing him harder. She couldn't believe how easy it was for them to fit back together again.

"Clarke," her name rolled off his tongue, "I've missed you."

She smiled, leaning her forehead against his the way she did when they first met, "yeah. I don't know how I survived these last few years."

He pulled her in tighter, and she could feel their need to be pressed together. She could feel his heart beating wildly under his shirt. She had missed his strong, warm arms. She had missed everything about him. He had been one missing piece she never thought she would see again.

But standing there in his arms she could feel her pieces slowly finding a new home. Maybe they wouldn't fit back into place perfectly, but life had a way of changing the course halfway through. She felt more like the girl he had known and less like the mess she had become. Somehow Bellamy made her believe she would heal, even if she never got the answers she so desperately needed.


	8. Chapter 8

Clarke's heart was racing, she glanced at Bellamy as he drove down the street. His hand was laying in his lap, and she took a chance. She had been thinking about this ever since she came back into his life. She picked it up, her heart racing as she moved in closer to his side. She wanted him, she really did. She hadn't felt this way in a long time. Two years to be exact. There was only one person for her, and she knew that she would never want anyone else.

"Clarke," Bellamy's deep voice broke as she brushed her lips against his cheek. She didn't want to go back to Octavia's. She didn't want to fall asleep alone, cold, and she didn't want to nightmares to find her tonight. She had a feeling Bellamy would keep them away. The same way he could calm down her anxiety.

She felt the car slow down as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his side. Bellamy wasn't stupid, but he was a gentleman. He wanted her, she was familiar, she tasted like home. She was still gorgeous, so beautiful it made him wonder how she could see anything in someone like him. But he knew she had been through a lot. He didn't want to push her to do something she wasn't ready to do.

He threw the truck into park and turned to face her. Clarke smiled, biting her lip. She looked so innocent and something about that made Bellamy's resolve fade. He pulled her towards him at the same moment she climbed onto his lap. Clarke's hands came to his sides as she leaned down and kissed him.

Their mouths melted together, her hands running through his hair. Clarke's heart kept pounding as she felt their familiar rhythm come back to them. His lips pulled hers, her mouth aching for more. His hands holding onto the small of her back. She pressed herself against him, and they both knew what was about to happen. Clarke pulled away breathless, looking down at him with big blue eyes.

"I'm not ready for the date to end," she whispered, her heart racing as he pushed her closer to his chest. He smiled, that crooked smile she was falling for again. That crooked smile she rarely got to see. She had missed that smile.

Bellamy pulled himself up to kiss her again, hard and slow, his hands not moving from her waist. He had done this a million times, with a lot of girls. This time felt different, this time felt right. This was what he had been looking for for the past two years.

He cleared his throat when he pulled away, "my place?"

Clarke smiled and nodded her head. She started to crawl off his lap, but he stopped her. He didn't move to kiss her, he sat there looking into her eyes and wondered what he was getting himself into. He hadn't excepted to feel this way, he didn't think it was possible to let go of the pain he felt whenever he thought of Clarke. But there he was with Clarke on his lap, thinking about all the ways he could keep her safe.

She was his first love. He wanted her to be his last.

Bellamy drove like a mad man back to his apartment. Clarke didn't even notice where he was going, or that he actually lived pretty close to his sister. She didn't notice anything except the way her heart was pounding, the smile on her lips. This was the Bellamy everyone had been talking about. This was the Bellamy she never wanted to let her go.

He threw the truck into park and they climbed out. Clarke came around to his side and she crashed into him again. His arms wrapped around her waist, holding her close to his chest. They were like two puzzle pieces fitting together, finally finding their other half.

Bellamy walked towards the steps, not breaking their kiss as he pushed her backwards. It took longer than it would've if they hadn't been kissing, but neither of them wanted to let go. They were both making up for the time they had lost fighting. They were filling in the years they spent again.

It took Bellamy two tries to get the key in the lock. He had to break the kiss when he fumbled around and almost dropped the key. Clarke laughed, feeling light headed from the lack of air. She ran her fingers up his shirt, and for a second Bellamy stopped. This was about to happen, he was bringing her home.

Once they were both inside the apartment, Clarke smiled at him. Bellamy pulled her close. She pushed him backwards until his legs hit the couch. He sat down, pulling her onto his lap again. She liked having the control, Bellamy would never admit it but he liked giving it to her.

This was the Clarke he remembered, the girl who had gotten away. She knew what she wanted and she knew what she had to do to get it. Bellamy was there to help satisfy her, and she would do whatever he needed her to do for him. Clarke pulled his hair, pushing her mouth against his hard, and then she pulled away. Her blue eyes were big and her lips were red and swollen.

Bellamy had never seen anyone so beautiful.

Clarke leaned down to kiss him again, her hands flat against his chest. His hands went up her dress as it billowed out around him. She ran the tips of her fingers up his shirt, feeling his warm muscles underneath. She laid her palm flat on his chest and felt his heart beating beneath it. She broke the kiss, his mouth attaching to her neck. She gasped as he pulled it between his teeth.

Bellamy pulled away, helping Clarke get his shirt over his head. Then he attached his mouth to hers again, his fingers trying to unbutton the front of her dress. Clarke moved against him, and she heard him moan against her mouth. Just when he was about to push his hand under her bra, she stopped.

There was a flash of color behind her eyes, a sound that made her heart stop inside her chest. She went stiff, Bellamy noticed. He stopped kissing, he stopped his hands from wandering. He pulled back and looked at her. There were tears in her eyes.

"Hey," he whispered, his deep voice was full of air, "Clarke?"

The tears coated her throat, "I thought I could. I want to," she stammered, tightening her grip on him, "I'm not ready. I'm sorry."

She tried to climb off of him, the tears falling down her cheek. She was embarrassed. She had turned him on only to turn him down. She wanted him, she was falling hard for Bellamy Blake. For the second time in her life she wanted him more than he wanted her. But she couldn't stop overthinking, she couldn't stop the fear that crept into her bones over that night. She had no idea what happened, and that scared her.

She had to protect herself this time around.

"Hey, princess," Bellamy didn't care. He understood, he could see the fear in her eyes. He might have been disappointed, but he wouldn't force her to do something she wasn't ready for. She had to get through this in her own time. He would be there to help, "it's okay."

She sighed, "Bellamy," her voice was small as she stayed on his lap, "I don't want to be alone tonight."

He flashed her a smile, sitting up straighter. He ran his thumb across her lip. This was what he had wanted since she ran into his car, "stay with me."

Clarke let out a big sigh of relief, a small smile playing on her lips. He brushed away the tears and she nodded, "I was hoping you wouldn't push me out if I stopped."

His heart broke as he realized if this wasn't Clarke that's exactly what he would've done. There was something about this girl that broke him. He couldn't get her out of his mind if tried.

Clarke stood up and Bellamy got her one of his shirts. He showed her which door was the bathroom and she went to change. She was exhausted after today, but she couldn't stop smiling. Even if she wasn't ready, that didn't mean Bellamy hadn't turned her on. The way his strong arms held her on his lap, the way his mouth fit against hers. She never wanted it to stop, but she knew she wasn't ready.

She has to get over the past. She had to stop obsessing about what happened.

Clarke changed quickly in the bathroom, running her hands under cold water and splashing it on her face. When she walked back into the living room, Bellamy was making up the couch. He cleared his throat and forgot what he was doing for a moment when he saw her wearing his shirt. It fell down to her knees and looked a lot better than it had on him. He forgot how much of a turn on that was until this moment. He should've picked something else for her to wear.

She set her dress down on the table, "what are you doing?"

"I thought you'd want to bed. I changed the sheets for you," he said quietly. Clarke noticed he wouldn't look at her, she wondered if he was angry she had stopped. He said he wasn't, but he was acting strange.

He looked up at her again when she didn't answer him. She was biting her lip, trying to find a way to tell him she didn't want to sleep alone tonight, "I thought. Never mind, it's fine."

She hadn't meant for him to sleep on the couch and for her to have his bed. She wanted their past to be erased and she wanted him to hold her in his arms like he used to while she fell asleep. She wanted him to keep the monsters away and press his lips into her shoulder when he thought she was asleep. She wanted the boy she was in love with to come back, the boy who told her she would stay here in town when she was scared shitless of the life she was living.

Clarke turned on her heel towards the door that led to his bedroom. She sat down on the edge of it, listening to Bellamy mutter to himself. What did this girl what from him? She was going to be the death of him if she kept acting like this. Except he didn't want to sleep on the couch either. He just wasn't sure if that's really what she wanted.

"Clarke," Bellamy startled her. She looked up and he was standing in the doorway, "are you sure?"

She smiled and nodded her head, "I don't want to fall asleep alone."

He sighed and ran his hand through his messy hair. He shook his head, knowing he was getting himself into a mess he didn't know how to clean up. Still he pulled his jeans off and climbed in beside her. She was smiling as he reached for her. He tucked the small girl into his side, her blue eyes staring up into his.

"I had fun tonight," she moved against him, pressing her lips into his shoulder, "I got to see the Bellamy everyone talks about. The Bellamy I fell in love with."

He laughed, "what does that mean?"

"We didn't fight," she whispered, blushing.

Clarke was right. They hadn't fought the entire time they were together. He smiled, running the tips of his fingers down her bare arm, "well maybe that's because we finally found something we have in common."

"What's that?"

Bellamy's face flashed with desire, "we both have a strong attraction to my handsome face."

Clarke laughed, pushing against his shoulder. He kept hold of her, not letting her go. He would never let her go, not as long as he felt this way. He felt different, he felt like this was right. He smiled at her, he liked making her laugh. He liked watching her face light up in delight at something he had said.

He liked knowing her pain wasn't there because of him.

"I didn't say I was attracted to you," she whispered, her eyes getting heavy, "but I will admit I like you. I never stopped liking you."

He smiled, his heart pulling. No one had ever liked him, not even the girls he brought home. They endured his rudeness to get what they wanted. Back then it's the same thing he had wanted. Now he realized there was more to a connection than sex, and he felt it here with Clarke tucked safely into his arm.

He pressed a kiss to her temple, "go to sleep princess."

She mumbled something he didn't understand and pretty soon her breathing evening out. Bellamy was still awake, watching her features smooth out. He smiled, wondering what he had gotten himself into. When she came back into his life he knew she was a hurricane that he should stay away from. Now all he wanted to do was keep his arms wrapped around her and keep her safe.

He didn't know how to do either of those things. He didn't know how to be someone who needed someone else. He shut down after she left him the first time around, and he didn't know how to turn it all back on. But lying there holding her, he knew he wanted to try. He would be on his best behavior, because he couldn't handle it if she walked away from him. She had always been important to him, and he wasn't going to let her go again.


	9. Chapter 9

Clarke wakes up to find the bed empty. She was slightly disappointed, thinking Bellamy had slipped off to the couch in the middle of the night. But then the smell of bacon hit her, and she smiled. He was making her breakfast, this was not the Bellamy she remembered. Even when they were happy and together he never cooked for her.

Clarke laid there thinking about last night. She should've been embarrassed, but she wasn't. Because as much as she wanted him, he had been more than understanding when they stopped. She was still dealing with her missing memories, and until she found them she was afraid to go any further.

Clarke ran her fingers across her lips and smiled, thinking about the way he held her last night. She felt safe, safer than she had in a long time. She couldn't stop thinking about how wonderful it had all been, how good it felt to be back in his arms. She turned to look at the clock, and then she saw the picture. Her heart stopped as she sat up and pulled the frame into her hands.

It was the picture she had burned, the one she thought she'd never see again. Tears filled her eyes, he still had it. They stood on the docks at her lake house, holding onto each other. Her eyes were on the camera, and he was staring at her. There was a halo around his beautiful brown curls and her smile was one she hadn't found in a long time. They were two different people, she yearned to be that girl again.

She took in a deep breath, running her fingers over her face. She was so young, so in love with him and the life they wanted together. How had things gotten so screwed up? When did her life turn into a mess she couldn't clean up?

She sat the picture down, feeling her heart pull at her. She was still in love with him, if she was honest she had never stopped loving him. After a few more minutes her stomach growled so she decided to join Bell in the kitchen.

His shirt fell down to her knees and she pulled at it slightly. She ran her hand through her hair and watched him at the stove. He didn't hear her come into the room, he was nodding his head and singing along to whatever song was on the radio. She took a moment to appreciate how happy he seemed. She had never seen him so happy, so alive.

Clarke walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She had to stand in her tip toes, but she didn't mind. She pressed her lips into his warm, tan skin, and smiled as he looked back at her over his shoulder.

"Good morning sleeping beauty," his deep voice making her heart jump, "I didn't wake you did I?"

Clarke shook her head, "no but the bacon did. It smells so good," she grabbed an already cooked piece and stuck it in her mouth. Clarke never admitted that she could eat anyone under the table, not on the first date anyways.

"Did you sleep okay?" His eyes swept over her in his shirt and she couldn't help but smile again. He had always loved to see her wearing it.

She nodded, "best sleep I've gotten in a while," she pulled herself up on the counter. Sitting there she was eye level with him, "so what are we going to do today?"

He flashed her a crooked smile, it was Sunday. His lazy day. Bellamy didn't want to let her out of his sight or his apartment. He had this nagging fear that if she left, he wouldn't be able to get her back again. He looked down at the pancakes, "well I usually hang out around here on Sunday's. Maybe watch a movie, if it's warm go to the lake."

Clarke liked the sound of that, "I'm good with anything. I just want to hangout with you."

Bellamy smiled. He reached out and touched her cheek, "you're beautiful in the mornings. You always have been beautiful, like a princess."

Clarke blushed, watching as he turned to flip the pancake, "do you always spend the morning making breakfast without your shirt on?"

He laughed, puffing out his chest, "yes. I have to keep up my manly appearance for you."

Clarke rolled her eyes and then kissed his cheek, "I won't argue with a man who cooks."

Bellamy finished the last pancake and then turned off the stove. He looked at her, and she smiled still sitting up on the counter. Her heart pounded as he moved to wrap his arms around her. He pushed her legs apart, coming to stand in between them.

"Clarke," he said her name, but she shook her head. She didn't want to hear what he was about to say. She didn't want him to ruin this moment, the day they had planned out together, by bringing up the past. So when he pulled back to look at her, she put her finger against his lips.

She sighed, "don't ruin it," she whispered, her blue eyes staring into his dark ones. She leaned forward and kissed him before he could say anything else. She felt his hands on her hips, squeezing them as he leaned into her, her own legs wrapping around his waist. She didn't need any explanation, she didn't need reassurance that this would last. For now in this moment all she wanted was this.

After breakfast, well more like lunch by the time they pulled apart, Bellamy put a movie on for them to try and watch. Clarke put her legs up on his lap and he smiled as he rubbed her calves gently. It felt wonderful to sit there with him and remember all the times they used to do this together. Because this was normal, this felt right. Her mind wasn't racing wondering what she was missing. She wasn't focused on what had happened or trying to figure out her next move. Here with Bellamy she knew exactly where she belonged.

The slower pace of life in this small town was exactly what she needed.

Clarke cleared her throat, "so when I got here you told me you weren't in love with me anymore."

She raised her eyebrow as he sighed, "yeah well for the last two years I've tried to convince myself that I wasn't. But the truth is I never stopped. I was just afraid of letting you in again."

Clarke moved so that she was leaning her head on his shoulder, "let's just forget about the past and what happened between us. Let's start over and see where this goes," her voice was soft as she laced her fingers through his. Bellamy felt content there on the couch with her, his heart finally felt like it was back together. They were both happier than they had ever been while they were apart.

"I think that's a good idea," he whispered, swallowing slowly as he put his arm around her shoulders. Ever since she told him her story Bellamy had become protective. Even if they didn't last, which he prayed to god they did, he would look out for her. She deserved better than whatever had happened at that school. He had half a mind to find Lexa and tell her that. But he knew Clarke wouldn't like that idea, so he didn't suggest it.

Clarke readjusted herself so that her legs were on top of Bellamy's lap. She let out a groan as he started to rub her sore muscles. His big hands felt amazing as he rubbed up and down her legs, the movie playing in the background. Bellamy couldn't help but notice the way his shirt was bunching up at her waist.

Clarke wasn't aware of how hard it was for him to keep his hands on her legs. He swallowed his nerves, his body aching to touch hers. But he was a gentleman, after last night he was going to push her to do something she wasn't ready to do. After her story he knew she needed time and she needed support. He wasn't that guy, he wouldn't make her feel like she was back in that terrible memory.

Still that didn't mean his mind didn't wander. He had always had a vivid imagination. He had to readjust her legs a few times as he watched her scoot around, his shirt twisting even more. He sighed, the movie drowning out his frustration as Clarke's eyes stayed on the television.

After a few moments, Bellamy's hands stilled. Clarke's eyes met his and she realized what was happening. She swallowed her own nerves, this was Bellamy. He knew her just as well as she knew him. He was her first real love, no matter who had come before or after him. He was the only she missed the most. She shouldn't be afraid, she should've been happy to be here with him, after everything they've been through they deserved a happy ending.

She sat up and moved closer to him. Her legs fell off his lap as she leaned into his side. Neither one of them broke their gaze as she leaned in and put her hand on the sides of his face. She didn't think she just pressed her lips against his. Her fingers pressed lightly into his skin as his heart started to race under his shirt.

The movie was all but forgotten when she threw her leg over his lap and climbed up to get a better grip. Clarke let out a small sigh as her fingers ran through his dark curls, her hips hitting his. She was more than aware of the shirt that was barely covering her legs as he pressed his warm inviting hands into her thighs.

"Bellamy," her voice was low and full of air. He pressed his lips against her neck as she moved her hips against him. She knew what she was doing, her brain was screaming at her to stop, her heart told her to let this happen as it would. She didn't know which one to listen to.

Clarke closed her eyes, remembering what it was like to have a choice. The panic rose up in her throat as she let him kiss her, the memories of that coming coming back to her. They reminded her what it was like to lose control. She couldn't stop wondering if she had invited the strangers hands the way she was inviting Bellamy. She couldn't remember if she had enjoyed that moment like she was thoroughly enjoying this one. Her heart lost as her brain finally registered the confusion and the fear.

Tears gathered in her eyes as she pulled away, "stop," her voice was full of panic causing Bellamy to pull back fast, "I'm sorry. I want to, I want you. God you have no idea. But I don't even know if -" she stopped as she closed her eyes feeling at a loss for words.

Bellamy pressed a kiss to her forehead and then her nose. He sighed and held her close even when she was trying to push away, "Clarke I understand. You don't have to be embarrassed. I'm not them. I won't pressure you into something you aren't ready for. You know me better than that."

She nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek, "I know," when she opened her eyes they were bright with tears, "I just hate leading you on. You make me feel safe. I've felt lost and out of control ever since Lexa," she shuttered, "but with you I fell like the girl I was before. I start to forget that it even happened."

Bellamy forced a smile, holding her hips in his hands, "well I'm not going anywhere. This isn't just about sex for me. You have to know that."

Clarke nodded slowly as she wrapped her arms around his neck, "how did I get lucky not once but twice now by finding you? You're one of the good ones Blake."

This time his smile was real as he held her close. He knew he would never let her go again, "no princess, I'm the best."

She laughed as she pulled back and then sat back down beside him, "yeah you really are."

They started to watch the movie, holding hands and keeping a slight distance between them. Clarke hated her confusing emotions. She wanted to be with him. She remembered how it was before they broke up. But when she acted on her lust her mind told her she had to stop. Because she hadn't been able to stop what happened last time.

Clarke was frustrated beyond belief. Then again she wasn't nearly as frustrated as Bellamy. He loved her and he wasn't lying when he said it was about more than just sex for him. She was his best friend, she knew him better than anyone and that included his sister. He had been a fool to let her walk away, to ignore her phone calls. He knew that now. Most people didn't get a second chance at anything in life. He wasn't going to waste the miracle that was his second chance at loving her.

He sighed, he hadn't been with her since before she walked out of his life. He hadn't even gotten to say goodbye. He wanted to feel her again, to be with her the way he hadn't been with anyone in two years. But he knew they had to do it on her time. He would wait, no matter how long she needed to heal.

He'd always wait for her. She was it for him.

The actress in the movie made a comment to her boyfriend as he started to pay attention once more. Bellamy put his arm around Clarke, pulling her close. He could deal with the lack of affection, but he needed her close to him. He needed to know she was still there. She laid her head on his shoulder.

"Clearly she's got an agenda," he muttered as they made themselves comfortable.

Clarke giggled, the ruined moment dissolving around them, "she's going to sleep with both of them."

Bellamy laughed this time, "'Oh Garett, I love your brooding stand off demeanor.'"

Clarke laughed loudly at his impression of the whiny main character, "hey don't make fun. I fell for your asshole attitude both times."

Bellamy rolled his eyes as he looked away from the screen, "but also my good looks. He is not nearly as handsome as I am."

"If you say so," she giggled as he pretended to be offended at her comment.

He grabbed her hips and started to tickle her. She screamed loudly, her laughter mixed in with the squeal. He used her weakness against her. She was laughing so hard she could barely breathe as they sat on the couch together. There were tears streaming down her cheeks as she tried to fight off his hands.

"Bell, Bell stop," she batted at his hands a little more, but he was stronger than she ever would be. He hovered over her small frame.

His eyes glistened as he laughed, "just admit it. Admit I'm better looking than him."

"Never!" she cried as he tickled her more. Then before she could catch her breath he kissed her gently, his hands going still for a moment.

When he pulled away Clarke took in a big gulp of air, "you're the best looking man in my world Bellamy Blake. Always."

He smiled down at her, tickling her one final time as she smiled up at him. She squealed once more, right as the knock on the door startled both of them.

Clarke's eye went wide as Bellamy blushed, "I forgot to mention I usually have dinner with my sister Sunday nights."

Octavia gasped, "Bellamy Blake! You didn't answer my text messages because Clarke was here! I'm going to kill you."

He rolled his eyes at his sister and pulled Clarke into his arms before she could squirm away from him, "you always come over with food, you didn't need to know how many or what I wanted. You were being nosy!"

Octavia smiled and nodded, clearly not actually angry at her brother, "I wondered why you didn't come home last night. Now I see I shouldn't have been worried."

Lincoln gave Octavia a look making Clarke smile. Sometimes she had a big mouth, Clarke tried to rein her in then too. Bellamy kept his arm around her as his sister went to put the food on the counter.

"She harmless," Bellamy whispered trying to slow down Clarke's pounding heart, "I promise you she'll stop being loud when I tell her to."

She smiled, "no it's okay. I love your sister, and I want her to know you make me happy too," she squeezed his hand, "I feel like I'm part of your family. I've missed that too."

That single sentence made Bellamy's stomach full with butterflies and the biggest smile appeared on his face. He pulled her into him, kissing her the same way he had kissed her last night. His big hand encased her cheek, his lips pulling at hers. He never knew his heart could want to house someone as much as it wanted to Clarke.

Clarke pulled away for air and smiled back at him. Her eyes were sparkling as she bit her lip and she knew she found the right place to break down in. She knew she had finally found a place she belonged.

"What did you make? I'm starving," Clarke laughed as he kissed her cheek and then picked up her. He set her on the floor and they went to the door together. Clarke hadn't realized she hadn't eaten since breakfast. They had been having too much fun.

Bellamy didn't have to open the door, his sister was already pushing it open herself. She looked surprised when she saw Clarke standing there, her eyes sparkling as she smiled. Clarke looked down and realized just why Octavia was smiling so big. She felt herself blush, but before she could do anything about his the younger Blake stepped into the apartment.

Octavia hugged Clarke tightly, "I'm glad you two worked out your differences. When you didn't come home I thought maybe you had another fight."

She pulled away and Clarke laughed, "yeah. I promise we're good. For now anyways. So that smells amazing. You didn't tell me you made him dinner Sunday nights."

Bellamy threw his arm around Clarke's shoulder and Octavia smiled at them, "that's because I didn't know if you guys would be getting along. Last time we had a meal together Bellamy almost broke the table because you wouldn't let him pay. I'm glad you are though."

Bellamy pressed a kiss to Clarke's cheek and that's when she remembered yet again that she wasn't dressed. Her cheeks turned red, "I uh, should go put clothes on."

Octavia's laughed followed her as she went into Bellamy's bedroom. Even though nothing big had happened last night it was nice to be back with him. Clarke was about to shut the door when Bellamy's foot stopped her.

"Hey you're okay with this right? I uh. Today is always my day off and Octavia likes to pretend she's taking care of me since I'm her big brother," he rolled his eyes, "I can tell her to go."

"No, no that would be rude. Plus Octavia and I are friends, Bell. It's okay, I just wish I would've known and helped make something. You know I hate being a freeloader," Clarke pulled her dress back on wishing She had brought clothes with her.

Then again she didn't know she'd fall into bed with her ex-boyfriend. Clarke ran her fingers through her hair as Bellamy came up behind her. He pressed a kiss to her neck that sent shivers down her spine. She had missed him and his touch more than she'd ever admit.

"I'll make it up to you," his deep voice was soft as he wrapped his arms around her waist, "I promise. I'll let you buy me food or presents. Whatever it is that will make you feel better."

Clarke's laugh turned into a squeal as he squeezed her hips. She turned around and pressed her lips to his, "okay. That's all I ask."

"Hey you two! We're still out here," Octavia called for them before they could get caught up in the moment.

Clarke giggled against his lips, "I think that's code for we can hear you," she whispered as he kissed her once more.

"I don't care," Bellamy's voice was muffled by their kiss. Clarke pulled away first, sighing happily as his hand ran down the side of her dress, "so I'm going to warn you Octavia's been trying to get us back together ever since we broke up. She's going to be more little sister Octavia than friend Octavia."

Clarke pulled away, her hands piling her blonde hair up at the top of her head, "I can handle both sides of Octavia, bell. We aren't eighteen anymore."

Bellamy's hand grabbed Clarke's as they exited the bedroom. Lincoln smiled at them, nodding his head like he was in on the secret. Everyone stood there staring at each other and Clarke realized how important this moment was. Still she wanted everyone to stop smiling at her like she had finally gotten the message.

"I'm starving," she mumbled as Octavia turned towards the kitchen, "please tell me you made something amazing for dinner."

Bellamy squeezed her fingers gently before he let her to. They all sat around the little table Bellamy had set up off to the side of his kitchen. It was cute, the four of them talking and eating as if this was their actual routine. That was Clarke's favorite thing about the Blake family. They always included her and made her feel welcome even when it was a spur of the moment change in plans.

Bellamy was on her left, Lincoln in her right. Octavia wanted to sit across from her so she could be the little sister Clarke knew her to be. Still Bellamy reached out and took her hand, still surprised at the spark that was there after all these years together and apart.

"So Bellamy have you found the guy who broke into Octavia's apartment? I don't mind sleeping over, but whenever I can't I worry," Lincoln's voice was smooth as he took a bit of pasta.

Clarke raised her eyebrows, She didn't realize he was still looking for the person who had broken in. He shook his head slowly, "I think it might've been random, or a coincidence. I've got nothing to go on. No one saw a thing and whoever it was doesn't live here."

Lincoln sighed as Bellamy took a bite, "maybe it was. Still O, you've gotta lock your doors."

She rolled her eyes, "I live in a town that has a handful of residents. I'm fine."

Bellamy hated how naive his sister could be. He shook his head, "seriously O, I'll get you kicked out and forced back into this place with me if you don't try to remember to lock your doors."

Octavia looked at Clarke, "tell them to stop ganging up on me. We are safe, you fought him off!"

Clarke raised her hands, "I'm not getting in it. I am Switzerland I don't take sides.

Bellamy looked surprised and hurt when Clarke didn't agree. He couldn't have been too surprised, Clarke was never the girl who always agreed with the guy. She was independent and she believed she could take care of herself. She had been doing it for long enough now it was hard to remember what it was like being taken care of.

It was hard to remember Bellamy and how gentle he could be.

Bellamy muttered something as he pulled his hand off her knee. The loss of skin contact made her sigh as they all went back to eating without speaking. It was awkward, clearly there was tension someone needed to let out. This wasn't how their day was supposed to go. They were supposed to live in their little bubble and remember how happy they had been two years ago.

"So Clarke," she jumped as Lincoln addressed her, "what are your plans? I mean after your car is fixed you aren't staying are you?"

She shrugged, "at least until the fair is over. I promised Octavia I would help and I don't go back on my promises."

He nodded and Bellamy spoke before he could, "then what? You breeze out as fast as you breezed in?"

Clarke sighed and shook her head, "I left school to figure things out. I thought I could figure things out at home even though it was the last place I wanted to be. Now here with you guys," she picked up his hand and smiled, "I want a family. You guys feel like family and even if I don't figure out every part of my life I know I'll be happy. There's no place like you."

Bellamy smiled slowly as Octavia looked at her brother with a sly grin. Clarke had tears in her eyes as he leaned over and kissed her in front of his little sister. She was telling the truth, she loved them. They were the family she chose time and time again. Even if she never became a doctor or an artist she would be happy beside Bellamy. He was more important than all the money in the world.

He is her person. He is her world.

Bellamy couldn't stop smiling as he pulled away, "good answer Griffin."

Clarke giggled, forgetting for a moment that there were other people with them, "yeah well I haven't been this happy in a long time. The last two years have been miserable and I can't help but wonder why I didn't run you down sooner."

"Me either," Octavia breathed as Bellamy glared in her direction. She looked down at her pasta shaking her head as the couple sat there happier than they both had ever been. The first time around it was new.

The second time around they knew it was real. They would both do everything they could to make this last forever.


	10. Chapter 10

After their first official date, at least that's how Clarke saw it, Bellamy found every excuse to see her. He didn't want to let her go whenever they spent the day at his apartment, which usually led to her spending the night. They had fallen back into a rhythm that they were more than comfortable will. Clarke had missed this, it was what she needed.

Still she believed they needed to do things apart. So while he was working she would spread her stuff around Octavia's apartment and attempt to create the signs she kept nagging her about. Clarke hadn't planned on falling back into Bellamy's arms, but since that happened she had been having a hard time focusing on anything other than how much time they had spent apart. They were both trying to make up for it.

Clarke bit down on the end of a paintbrush as she outlined the words for the fair. She smiled, feeling like the stars were shimmering up at her from the page. She knew it was the best she would get for the welcome sign. So she started to stand up to get the paint. She didn't get far, that's when her cellphone rang.

Clarke didn't answer when she saw the random number flashing on her screen. Lexa hadn't tried calling her since Bellamy told her to leave her alone, but she still didn't want to take the chance it was her. She had answered too and gotten even more upset with she heard her ex best friend's voice. So she let the phone ring, staring at the pictures Octavia had given her.

The girl had no artistic ability, but she could see what she wanted. She wanted the fair to be big and beautiful, more elaborate than last year. She wanted the sign to be bright and magical, Clarke knew she could do it. She wanted to help her friend, but she couldn't stop thinking about the day she and spent with Bellamy yesterday. Her phone vibrated once, telling her she had a message.

She glanced over and the same number was calling her. She sighed, hoping it wasn't Lexa calling her, "hello."

There was a pause and then she heard an unfamiliar voice, "is this Clarke Griffin?"

Her heart stopped. What if something had happened to her mom, or her dad? What if something had happened to Octavia? She hadn't seen her since she left the house and now she was worried, "yes this is she."

The woman sighed, "I need you to come down to the hospital. I have a Bellamy Blake here who refuses to let us treat him. He needs someone to take him home after this as well and he says and I quote, 'I can take care of my own damn self.' You're the only name he seemed okay with when I went through his phone."

Clarke's heart stopped. Why was Bellamy at the hospital. She took in a deep breath, she stood up and grabbed her purse, "okay I'll be there as soon as I can. Tell him to listen, he's a big baby when he's hurt."

She laughed, "yeah we can see that. I'll tell him you're on your way. Thank you Clarke."

She hung up the phone and then realized she didn't have a way to get there. Usually she would call Bellamy, but her car was still being fixed. She knew if he didn't want anyone else called he wouldn't want them there at the hospital. So she wouldn't call Octavia to help her. She walked out of the apartment and onto the sidewalk and she thought about taking the bus.

Luckily the bus was just pulling up to the corner so she walked quickly towards it and stepped on. After making sure the driver would drop her somewhere close to the hospital she sat down and waited. She was thinking of all the things that could be wrong, Bellamy didn't go to the hospital for nothing. Then again he was awake and alert if he was telling the nurse he didn't want treated.

The bus ride wasn't as long as Clarke thought it would be. She walked into the waiting room and looked around. It was pretty full for a weekday afternoon. She went up to the nurse's station and smiled. Just as she was about to ask about Bellamy, she heard his loud booming voice. She winced and the nurse gave her a glare, "I take it that belongs to you?"

She nodded slowly, "I guess it does. What room is he in?"

"Room 512 sweetheart. Good luck."

Clarke walked down the hallway she was pointing to. It didn't take her long to find him, because he was still yelling. She opened the door and watched as the nurse walked away from him with tears in his eyes, "Bellamy Blake be nice."

His eyes went wide as he saw her standing there, "dammit she did call you. I'm fine Clarke."

He wasn't in a hospital gown, he was still wearing his uniform. She set her bag down on the chair and walked towards him, "Bell what happened? Do you know how terrifying it is to get a phone call from someone telling me you're here?"

He sighed, "I'm fine, Clarke. Look I'm sitting up and I refuse to take the medicine they want me to have. They won't release me either."

Clarke brought her hand up to his face, and then she saw the way he winced at the light behind her. She could see the black and blue mark just under his brown curls. She ran her hand down the side of his cheek and she watched him sway as they sat there.

"You need to lay back," she said softly. He looked at her like she was another nurse he could scare, but he didn't realize she knew what was wrong. She had been in med school, she could see he clearly had a head injury. He glared at her, "don't you think about yelling at me, Blake. I won't take your shit. You lay back and take the medicine."

He rolled his eyes, "hard ass," he muttered as she handed him the cup and the two pills sitting there, "I'm fine. The beam didn't even hit me that hard."

Clarke sat down on the chair beside his bed and took the cup of water he finished. She picked up his hand, watching as he leaned his head back against the wall. He looked tired, "what happened?"

He winced, "I was out on a call, checking out some property someone was complaining about. It was ready to fall down and we had to check there wasn't anyone trying to squat there. I stepped under what could've been a roof or something at the time, and I put my hand against a beam for support. There was a little hole in the ground. Anyways, I put too much of my weight against the wood and it snapped. The beam fell on my head."

Clarke squeezed his hand, "Bell you could've gotten really hurt. You could have a concussion."

"I'm fine. They brought me here because they knew if they didn't I could sue. But I didn't want to come, I'm not hurt. And those nurses want to keep me here. I don't want to be here, Clarke," his voice broke and she knew the reason why he didn't want to be in the hospital. She had heard about the way his mom died.

"Okay," she said quietly looking at him sitting there. He had been eighteen when she died, but he never forgot it. He never forgot the look on Octavia's face when the monitors starting beeping, and they knew she was gone for good. It was a moment that broke all of them, Clarke included.

The door opened and a doctor stepped in, "ah I see the pretty girlfriend can make him take his medicine, but not my nurses."

He looked down at his chart, Clarke looking back at Bellamy. Normally he would've made a snide comment about how they weren't together. They had been once, but she tore out his heart. Something along those lines. Of course after their date the other night, she was starting to wonder if he had forgiven her. She was starting to wonder if they could somehow make their way back to each other.

"Yeah well the girlfriend is a little more frightening than your nurses," Bellamy's voice was quiet and she could tell the medicine was taking affect. It was for the pain, but it would make him high too. She smiled, she liked hearing him call her his girlfriend. Even if he wasn't really thinking clearly.

The doctor cleared his throat, "alright I'm Doctor Kane," he looked at Clarke. He could see Bellamy was starting to fall asleep, "his partners brought him in saying he was hit with a beam. I checked him out and he seems to have a mild concussion. I want to keep him overnight, but he refuses to let me. What do you suggest I do to make him feel more comfortable?"

Clarke stood up, her hand pulling out of his as he watched them. She rubbed her hands on her shorts, nervous. She hadn't been in a hospital setting in a long time, "I think that he is okay to go home. I know you want to watch him, but I know all the signs for a concussion too. I was pre med," she watched him look impressed. Everyone did, until they realized she couldn't handle it so she dropped out. That wasn't true, it's just the assumption they made, "I can take care of him, watch over him. He doesn't like hospitals, he'll be a terrible patient."

The doctor laughed, eyeing Clarke up and down. She could feel Bellamy watching from behind her, he had always been jealous of anyone that looked at her. Bellamy hated any guy who thought they could get with her. She was his, she had picked him time and time again. Why didn't they understand that?  
Oh right because he was an asshole who didn't deserve her. He was the one who let her walk away time and time again.

Slowly Dr. Kane sighed, "okay I'll release him into your care only. But I want to see him at my office tomorrow afternoon. I just want to make sure the swelling has gone down and he isn't going to suffer anything terrible by not being in here tonight."

Clarke nodded, "I promise I'll watch him closer than you probably would."

Kane smiled, "that I'm sure you will. Alright you're free to go Mr. Blake. Don't give your new nurse anymore trouble than you gave mine."

Bellamy sat up and saluted him, "ay ay Captain."

Clarke couldn't help but laugh as she reached out to support him. He put his arm around her shoulders, and she staggered under his weight. The doctor had a wheelchair ready. If Bellamy hadn't been drugged up, he would've refused the wheelchair. Clarke was glad she didn't have to support his weight all the way out of the hospital.

"Bell, I don't have a car," she said pushing him down the hallway, "did they leave your truck?"

He nodded, "yeah it's in the parking lot."

Clarke felt better knowing she wouldn't have to take him home on the bus. She left him on the curb and found his red truck, driving it carefully to the front. She walked around as Bellamy stood up, wobbling as he got into the truck. There was a nurse waiting behind him to take the wheelchair and she smiled sweetly at her. She could tell there was a mix of admiration and fear in her eyes. A lot of girls who met Bellamy felt that way about Clarke. They didn't understand it took a strong woman to be with him.

Clarke wasn't used to driving such a big vehicle, but Bellamy's apartment was closer than she realized. She pulled into a spot and walked around to the passenger side. She had to shake him awake, "Bell, come on we're home."

"Home," he muttered, his eyes not focusing on her. He climbed down from the truck and into her arms, supporting more of his weight than before.

Once she got him up the steps and into the house, he sat down on the couch. She made some tea as he leaned against the back, his eyes shut. She set on mug in front of him, "why don't you go lay down in bed? You should rest anyways."

"Dr. Griffin," his voice sounded deeper, "I am perfectly fine."

Clarke rolled her eyes, "then at least change out of your uniform into something more comfortable. I'll call the station and tell them you won't be in tomorrow."

He looked up quickly, wincing at the sudden movement, "it's okay I can do that. I'll go change and call them."

She nodded her head and watched as he stood up slowly. She reached out to help him, but he refused it. He hated admitting he needed help. She sighed, taking a sip of her tea as Bellamy stopped in the doorway to his room. She smiled as she remembered falling asleep beside him. She was glad he had called her.

"Hey Clarke," she looked at him and she could see the one that got away, "thank you. You're the only one I wanted to be there."

She could feel herself blush, "I'm glad you called me."

Bellamy changed and Clarke tried to clean up some of his mess. She washed the dishes in the sink, putting them into the dishwasher for him. She cleaned off the table and straightened the blankets on the couch. She stopped and realized it looked like he had been sleeping on the couch. These were the blankets he had gotten out that night she stayed over.

She shook her head and then followed him into the bedroom. He had his back to her, but he was in the middle of changing. There was a pair of sweatpants hugging his hips, his top half bare. His muscles contracted as he rolled the shirt up to put it on, and Clarke blushed. She had seen him so many times before and she was still in awe of how beautiful he was. She had missed him.

"Have you been sleeping on the couch?" her voice startled him, and he jumped making his head hurt even more. He winced and Clarke apologized, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have scared you."

He sighed, "I'm fine. I uh, yeah I slept on the couch the other night. I couldn't sleep in here without you."

Clarke watched him sit down on the bed and she walked towards him. She pulled her shoes off and climbed in beside him. Once he leaned against the bed frame she ran her fingers through his hair, "are you sure you're okay? You have a head injury, Bell."

He winced at her words, "I'm fine. I'm just a little tired, whatever they gave me is kicking my ass."

"I'll wake you up in two hours," her voice was soft in his ear as she kept running her fingers through his hair.

He looked at Clarke, embarrassed, "can we uh, can we keep this between us? I don't need to give Octavia another reason to hate my job because it's dangerous."

Clarke smile, running her fingers through his soft brown curls, "your secret is safe with me, Blake. Just don't let getting hit in the head by wooden beams a habit. That nurse scared me half to death. I thought you had been really hurt."

He smiled, "you care."

"I've always cared," Clarke whispered, looking away from him. She hadn't been ready to admit it, but she would always care about Bellamy Blake. She would always love him.

He cleared his throat, "tell me something I don't know," his voice sounded strained, like he was trying as hard as he could to stay awake, "something about you and me."

"So you've called me princess pretty much since you've known me. Why I'll never understand," Clarke's smile was bright as she ran her fingers down his arm, "do you know what your name means? Well it's not your name, but in French _Bel Ami_ means beautiful friend."

He raised his eyebrows at her. Clarke had never noticed the dimple on his chin, or the way his dark eyes lit up his tan skin, "ah so you've learned French since we stopped talking?"

Clarke giggled and rolled her eyes, "I took one class and that's because Lexa thought it would be fun. When I first got there I latched onto her, I didn't know anyone. She made friends easily. We were put together for a room, and I never knew it wasn't real. The friendship I had come to rely on was all a game to her."

He noticed the way she had gone stiff when she said her name. There were tears in her eyes as she looked away. His heart broke for her. He hated how that girl had made her trust weak. He hated how she let those guys touch her beautiful body. He wanted to be the only one allowed to do that.

Bellamy placed a kiss on her cheek, then looked up into her blue eyes. His face was unreadable, but she could feel his heart beating. She watched his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed. He was trying so hard not to fall asleep before this moment was over, "beautiful friend? Is that what I am?"

She giggled as his breath tickled her face, "beautiful friend, beautiful lover," her voice was airy as she held his face in her hands, "beautiful soul."

Bellamy moved in and kissed her, silencing all the fears she had. She couldn't believe how lucky she was to find him, for him to be back in her life. She couldn't believe how easily he had forgiven her.

"Bell," her voice was small as she laid her hand on his chest, "I'm sorry. I know you think I was selfish, but I didn't have a choice. My mom was going to ship me off one way or another. If I chose to go, it meant I could still have you in my life."

Bellamy stopped her words and kissed her, his thumb rubbing circles across her cheek, "I don't blame you," he whispered softly against her lips. He didn't, not anymore, "I hated myself for not going after you. I should've answered your phone calls, or tried to see you. I was too stubborn to admit I needed you. To tell you I still wanted you."

Clarke smiled and pressed her lips to his gently, when she pulled back he smiled, "time has a funny way of making up for it huh?"

He nodded his head slowly, "this time I won't let you go."

Clarke loved to hear him say that, "my mom told me once that what we have is dangerous. The way you look at me, like I put the stars in the sky, it's not healthy. She told me I should go out and find my place in the world," Bellamy knew Abby had been right. Clarke was destined for far more than a life by his side.

He went to speak, but she pressed her finger against his lips, "what she failed to see was my place is here with you. Whether it's an epic life of love and adventures, or a simple one living beside you here in this small town. I've always known my place was beside you."

Bellamy's heart couldn't take anymore. He pulled her in and kissed her. He tried to make them into one, trying to make up for the lost time they spent apart. He still loved her, he just didn't know how to say it out loud. He was afraid she would run. So he did the only thing he knew to do. He held her as tightly as he could in his arms.

"Sleep, my love," her voice was soft as she ran her hand down his arm once more. He loved whenever she did that, "I'll be here in the morning when you wake up. I have to watch over you."

Clarke could feel his need as they laid there together. She knew this was where she was supposed to be, here with him. Before he fell asleep with her head against his chest, he knew there was nowhere else he needed to be either. This was his place, beside her in a life they made together, with a love that could never be broken.


	11. Chapter 11

"Octavia it's straight, I swear," Clarke sighed as her friend stood on the latter still moving the corner of the banner, "I promise it is as straight as you and me."

Octavia raised an eyebrow as she finally let go. She was clearly a perfectionist and she refused to believe Clarke about anything. She loved the banner though, which Clarke was thankful for. She wasn't sure she was in the mood to redo the big project, not when her and Bellamy were finally together again.

Octavia smiled as she descended the ladder, "now it's straight. Okay I wanna set up this one next."

"Why didn't you pay someone to do this? Or get Lincoln and Bell to help?"

"I don't have it in the budget. And while we're on the subject, what's up with you and my brother? And Clarke Elaine Griffin don't tell me that it's nothing," Octavia held up her hand as they started to move their tools towards the next booth.

Clarke rolled her eyes but smiled despite herself, "first of all, that's not my middle name. Second of all we're just happy. We haven't given this a label and we're just letting it happen as it will."

Octavia sighed, "you told me I wasn't allowed to let you fall in love with him again."

Clarke laughed, "well you failed. Plus it was a hard job, seeing as I never really stopped in the first place."

"Well I'm glad you and my brother are happy. I haven't seen him this happy since you left the first time around. He hasn't dated anyone either, because he's missed you. But him and his stupid pride were too much to let him answer your phone calls. I know he never gave up on you two though," she flashed her a smile and Clarke knew that she really was okay with them being together, "plus you were always my favorite girlfriend of his."

Before Clarke could answer her, a deep voice interrupted their girl time, "hey working girls. We thought you could use some dinner."

Bellamy came over holding a bag of food in his right hand. He wrapped his left arm around Clarke's waist before he kissed her lips quickly. She barely noticed that Lincoln was there with him. She smiled as he pulled away, the sweat on her forehead didn't matter to either of them as they stood there together.

Octavia was beaming at her boyfriend as her brother pulled Clarke close, "hey you."

Clarke couldn't help but smile, "long time no see. How's your head?" She pressed her hand against his temple. He winced slightly, but he seemed to be getting better. She was glad it hadn't been anything serious, but then again she had enjoyed playing nurse.

Octavia had been keeping them both busy this past week. They hadn't gotten to see the boys in days. Clarke was always exhausted at the end of the day. She'd find her way back home and fall into bed, never hearing Bellamy call. There was a lot of work to be done for this fair and somehow the girls had gotten stuck with it all.

She missed falling asleep beside him. She missed him and his warm arms holding her close. She even missed his snoring, even though she claimed to hate it. Bellamy missed her cold feet pressing against his legs, laughing as they both came together. He missed having her there with him at night and in the morning. He told his sister to give her time off, but Clarke wouldn't let Octavia do all the work alone.

Bellamy loved this, having Clarke here in his life. He was never affectionate with anyone else. He kissed her cheek as they walked towards a picnic table that had been delivered today. Bellamy kept his arm around her shoulders.

"My head is fine thanks," he tensed his jaw as he let her sit down first, "the doctor said I can go back to work Monday."

Clarke smiled, "good. Don't make me worry again."

"Yes ma'am," he said before setting the food down on the table. He wouldn't tell her this, but he had loved having her play nurse with him. It was the only thing that kept him from going crazy while he wasn't working.

Octavia and Lincoln were already sitting across from them. His sister sighed happily, "god you two are just adorable."

Bellamy started to unpack the food as he rolled his eyes, "okay O, stop being creepy please."

Clarke shook her head as he handed her a burger, "so since you two strong, capable, men are here you shoulder help us finish setting up."

Bellamy groaned as Lincoln laughed. He nodded, "I'll help. Then my girl comes home earlier."

Clarke smiled as she looked at her first love, "I'll come to your place tonight," she said quietly, watching his eyes light up, "we haven't had a sleepover in a while."

Bellamy blushed as he swallowed his bite of food, "yeah, okay," he stuttered as he nodded, "I think I can help."

Octavia shook her head as Clarke looked in her direction. She winked, they had cut their workload in half now. She was ready for this stupid fair to be over.

The four of them sat and ate, talking about everything and everyone. Clarke learned more about the town and it's people as they finished their meals. They had been starving, Octavia wasn't big on breaks. She wanted to get this done and Clarke understood. But it felt nice to sit and eat for once today. The sun was starting to set behind them as they got ready to take on the last part of their work.

Before they went to work Clarke grabbed Bellamy's hand. She let out a slow breath as he turned to look at her. Octavia and Lincoln were out of ear shot, they were talking about the booth. She smiled as she squeezed his fingers gently, "Bell, I just," she sighed as she played with his hand, "what are we? You know I don't care about labels, but I need to know what this is. I wanted to know what we're doing here."

His smile tok her back a few years to when they were younger and thought they'd take on the world together. It was the smile she had fallen in love with, the smile she had seen so many times in her dreams. It was her smile, the only one he had for her.

"I care about you Clarke. I always have, ever since we were sixteen. This," he brought their hands up and kissed hers, "falling asleep and waking up with you, it's my favorite thing."

Clarke nodded, "as long as we're on the same page," she whispered softly, leaning into kiss him deeper than before, "I'm okay with that."

Bellamy was slow to respond as she pulled away. His eyes sparkled in the dim light, his smile goofy and full, "I don't want to mess up this time."

"Me either," Clarke agreed as Octavia cleared her throat loudly.

She stood there behind them tapping her foot, "so as cute as this is, we've got work to do. You two can do this later, when I'm not around please."

She stressed the last part, but she was bluffing. She was happier than she had been in a long time seeing her brother get the only girl he had ever wanted in his life.

Bellamy stood up and tickled his sister as she squealed loudly. Clarke felt like she had finally found it. Sitting there with the two people she had lost, she knew she'd finally found her home. It had taken her two years and a break down but she finally found her way to the only boy who ever looked at her like she put the stars in the sky. Her home wasn't a place. Her home was wherever he was.

—

Bellamy had had a tough week. Between getting hit and being told work was out of the question for a few days he was restless and sore. Plus he hadn't gotten to really see Clarke since she started helping his sister with the fair. He missed falling asleep beside her. He missed kissing her and watching that surprised smile spread across her face. He missed her.

But she was always so tired the nights she did come over. He was ready for the fair to be over so he could have his girlfriend back.

He was more than ready to go back to work, but Monday seemed so far away now. He felt useful helping the girls the other night, but now they refused to let him help. Octavia didn't know about his injury, but Clarke did. He stopped by the grounds yesterday to see her and almost got hit with a ball. Clarke all but pushed him back into his car claiming he needed to go home and stay healthy.

Whenever Bellamy needed to relax or unwind he took a bubble bath. It was something his mom taught them to do when they were younger. She would suggest a bath when they were sick or stressed. She claimed the warm water would sooth away any pain they had.

The doctor told him he needed to take it easy and relax. Apparently he needed to slow down. So he filled the bath tub with warm water, watching the suds rise. He got undressed after putting on some music. He had a few candles and lit them too. He didn't always go all out, but since he couldn't do much than sit around all day he figured he earned this. He stepped into the water and he remembered just how soothing a bath could be.

He let out a content sigh as he felt his muscles loosen up. He sat down, leaning against the back of the tub and closed his eyes. If he couldn't relax with his girlfriend, well this had to be the next best thing. The aches in his shoulders started to ease. He enjoyed this moment, he wasn't sure when he would get it again.

He had brought a book with him to read but he didn't want to move. Everything was just right, the water, but bubbles. He didn't want to disrupt the balance so he stayed still and thought about everything that had happened over the last few months.

He thought about how he had spent two years missing her, two long years wondering why he never answered her calls. Then she stumbled back into his life and somehow he forgave her. Somehow he pushed aside all the pain and anger he felt over her leaving and offered her a safe place to land. Maybe it was because he could see the pain in her life, the way she held herself differently. She was so guarded, she had never been this guarded before. He liked being the one who got through to her.

Or maybe it was because once you fall in love with someone you never really stop. Not when you love them the way Bellamy loved Clarke. He loved her with every piece of his heart, deep down into his soul. Sometimes it scared him, when they were first together he didn't understand it. But now he knew there was no one else, there would never be anyone else.

Because she was it for him. She was the missing piece he never thought to look for.

Bellamy opened his eyes after a few seconds, the sound of his front door slamming shut bringing him out of his relaxed state, "I swear to god your sister is trying to kill me. She's such a perfectionist and she can't even draw. She has no artistic ability and she tells me how to do it. If she wasn't related to you I'd hit her. I would."

Clarke's voice rang through the apartment, making him smile. She was so comfortable enough to come in without being invited, to walk into his home and make it her own. They had gotten so far and yet not far enough together.

Bellamy stopped smiling when he realized she was about to catch him in the bath. He never told anyone that he did this. Octavia had assumed he'd grown out of it, since they didn't live together anymore he didn't tell her the truth.

"Bell? I know you're home," she called out for him as she walked further into the apartment. He could hear her shoes on the hardwood floor.

His bedroom door was open and her footsteps got quieter as she stepped into the room. She walked into the bathroom, surprised when she saw him sitting there with the bubbles up at his chest. She bit her lip, trying to stop the smile that was forming, "oh. I uh. I didn't expect this."

She laughed then, despite her efforts not to. Bellamy just smiled, not embarrassed that he found her in a bubble bath. He actually liked the blush that was on her cheeks, seeing him like this, "I was told to relax. This is me relaxing."

Clarke giggled as she walked into the room completely and sat down on the toilet beside the tub, "well I could always help with relaxation. I'm pretty good with messages, if you need one."

Bellamy groaned as she squeezed his shoulders. That felt amazing, he had to admit. She had always been good with her hands, she was an artist for god's sake. She had almost become a doctor. But she had never give him a message before.

Bellamy looked at her, she looked adorable in her cut off shorts, her light blue shirt covered in splashes of red and blue paint. There was a streak across her cheek he wanted to reach up and run his thumb along it. She kept rubbing his shoulders as he closed his eyes once more, thinking of all the ways he'd like to touch her if she would let him.

"How'd you get away from the dictator? Did you hit her?" his voice was low as Clarke pushed on a knot by his neck. Her tiny fingers pressed firmly into his skin causing the perfect pressure to relieve the pain.

"No," she sighed, "I told her my wrist hurt and I wasn't going to draw straight lines soon. She made me redraw this sign three times. it wasn't small either, Bell it was huge," Bellamy opened his eyes and she was shaking her head, "plus I miss you. A lot. I wanted to make sure you're really okay to go back to work Monday."

Bellamy smiled as he grabbed her hand. His eyes met hers as they sat there together. After a moment Clarke leaned forward, ready to kiss him. Except Bellamy had a different idea.

He pulled on her arm before their lips met, pulling her off balance. She squealed as she fell into the water with him, her lips finding his. She pushed back on his chest as he started to laugh, the vibrations hitting her finger tips.

"Bellamy! I'm still dressed," she laughed despite her annoyance.

He pulled on her now soaked shirt, "well we can fix that," he whispered pulling her back towards him. He kissed her longer than before. All their time apart had finally gotten to him, "plus you're covered in paint. We can't have that can we?"

Clarke shook her head, kissing him back as she pulled herself up on his lap. She straddled him, her wet hands going through his hair, "I hate you sometimes."

Bellamy's smile was enough to make her regret those words even if she was kidding, "no princess, you love me."

She rolled her eyes, more than thankful her shorts were between them, "you think I do," her mouth was close to his. His hands held her still, her heart pounding as she remembered the moments exactly like this one. The moments they had shared so many times that led to bigger things happening. That felt like a lifetime ago, she felt like a completely different person, one who wasn't ready to give into that part of herself yet.

Bellamy didn't push her, his lips the only thing he used to ask if she was ready. She sighed, more than happy in this position. But she still wasn't ready to give in to more than this. His hands on her waist, hers wrapped around his neck. Their bodies pressed together, but nothing more happening. This was where she was comfortable, she wasn't ready to go outside of that zone. Not yet.

Clarke took in a breath as she sat there in the water. She felt braver when she was in his arms, so she took a chance. She might not be ready to go further, but she was ready to help him out when he needed it. She reached down and touched him. Bellamy gasped as her fingers wrapped around him.

"Clarke?" She smiled, her heart pounding as she leaned down and kissed his cheek.

She nibbled on his ear as she moved her hand up and down slowly, "baby steps, Bell. Let me take care of you for once."

He moaned as she kissed his shoulder, the water rushing in to fill the places her hand left as she moved it. Clarke smiled watched him close his eyes, enjoying this moment more than she thought he would. The bubbles were still big and fluffy, covering her hand as it worked.

As she touched him she remembered what it felt like to be with him once more. Her body ached for it, but her mind screamed at her to keep the control. She picked up her pace, ignoring her own needs. She had gotten good at ignoring her own needs. Bellamy gripped the edge of the tub, his toes curling at the other end. He bit his lip, pleasure rushing through him.

He fell apart screaming her name. When he opened his eyes he pulled her towards him, his body twitching as he released tension, "Clarke."

She smiled, "don't thank me," her voice was a whisper getting out, "I came to make you dinner."

She grabbed a towel and got out of the water. Baby steps was the only way she would get through this. If she took it one day at a time, letting it settle around her she wouldn't get caught up in the anxiety that came with her missing memories. She felt like She was an innocent girl once more. Not sure if she was ready to experience more of the world.

After she dried herself off, she pulled on one of his shirts. As she pulled her leggings on Clarke stood in front of Bellamy's mirror. She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes. She might not know what she wants out of life, but she knew it wasn't far from this place right here.

"You didn't have to do that," Bellamy wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. He pressed a kiss against her neck and Clarke melted, "I know you're still figuring things out. I told you I'm here for you, nothing else."

Clarke nodded, "I know. But I think if I take baby steps maybe I'll finally let go of the pain," she turned in his arms and pressed a hand against his warm chest. The towel wrapped around his waist was low, "I might be confused about some things, but I know at the end of the day it's you I want."

Bellamy smiled and kissed her softly, his hand wrapping around her damp hair. When he pulled away he pushed a piece of hair behind her ear, "so about that dinner."


	12. Chapter 12

Clarke loved walking around this little town. She loved going into the little mom and pop stores that had been passed down from generation to generation. They had so much character, so much more than the big name brand stores in the city. She didn't miss those stores, the ones you could get everything in one shot. The stores she used to go to every single day. They were a thing of the past now that she was here in this little town.

She was at home here. More than she had ever been in the city.

After all she had lost herself in the big city. It was only fitting that she found herself again this small town. Bellamy Blake helping her was just an added bonus.

Clarke glanced at the list Octavia had given her once again. She had to beg her friend to let her pay for the groceries this time. Both Blake siblings had too much pride sometimes. Clarke didn't want to be a free loader. Even Bellamy wouldn't let her go along to the store because he knew she would try to buy something when he wasn't looking. She had to practically put Octavia in a headlock to get her to make a list.

Octavia told her she did more than her share with helping her with the fair. Still Clarke said that wasn't enough, not after housing her for weeks now. She spent most nights at Bell's so Octavia reasoned that her buying any food or helping with rent was stupid. That didn't mean Clarke wouldn't do it. She wouldn't let them pay for everything.

She was going down the diary aisle when someone called her name. It was weird to hear it coming from a strange voice. No one but Bellamy and Octavia knew her here. Lincoln wouldn't be around at this time, and he probably wouldn't call out for her. They were all at work. She turned around to find a dark haired, skinny guy coming towards her. He was smiling, a pair of goggles sat on his head. His smile was huge, "Clarke Griffin right? Bellamy wouldn't stop talking about you. Man he's right, you're beautiful."

She tried not to wince at his loud voice. She also tried to stop blushing as he kept staring at her, "I'm sorry, but who are you?"

He laughed, "sorry, manners," he held out his hand, "I'm Jasper Jordan. Bellamy's partner at the station. He hasn't stopped talking about you since you came to town. I've been dying to meet you, but he's selfish and said he was keeping you to himself."

Clarke blushed darker as she shook his hand. It was clammy and she could feel his bones. He had absolutely no meat on his body. As she shook his hand she became even more conscious of her paint splattered clothes.

"All good things I hope," she said as the boy stood there still smiling. He looked tired.

Jasper laughed, "oh yeah. He's never been so attached to any of the girls he hooks up with before. I mean I don't even get a name half the time, but with you I've got an entire backstory."

Clarke's smile fell as she let out a slow breath, "I'm sorry what?"

Jasper didn't catch onto her anger or disappointment. He just kept acting like he was complimenting her, "he never keeps them around this long. Usually he gets what he wants and moves on. He says he lost the girl he really wants two years ago. I dunno, you seem like a winner. But if he does drop you, I'm always here to offer you a shoulder to cry on."

Clarke shook her head slowly, "I have to go. It was nice meeting you Jasper."

"You too Clarke," he patted her shoulder as she turned away from him.

She left her cart sitting there, angrier than she had ever been before. Bellamy was telling her one thing, using sweet words to keep her here and then telling everyone at work she was nothing more than a fling. She squeezed her eyes closed as she stood there feeling like the fool she never thought she'd be. She let him back into her life, she wanted to make this work. She thought this was what she needed and now she realized this was never what she was supposed to have.

She hated liars. She hated trusting liars even more. How could she have been so blind? she should've realized Bellamy was too much of the old guy he had always been. She trusted him too easily. She wanted to let someone else help her head and he had fit the part far too easily. She should've realized the only who could heal her broken heart was herself.

Clarke sat down on the bench, her heart racing. She was tired of fighting. She was more than tired of walking away. But she knew she couldn't let this one go. If Jasper thought she was a one time thing and he had gotten what he wanted, everyone probably did too. She hated being lied to or lied about. Bellamy was doing both those things to her once again.

After a moment Clarke pulled herself together. She could wait until he was done with work. She could cool down and let her anger settle. Or she could embarrass him the same way he had done to her. She bit her lip, thinking about how perfect this place had seemed the moment she ran his car down. She shook her head, knowing there would never be a perfect place.

She stood up and let out a breath. Clarke made the decision as she started to walk towards the station. Maybe this wasn't where she was supposed to end up after all.

—-

Clarke's blood was boiling by the time she turned the corner and found the station. She knew Bellamy was at work, he had been texting her all day making sure she was okay. Not that she had any reason not to be okay, but apparently he had told stories to his friends. Stories that weren't true and made Clarke angrier than she had ever been. He knew how hard it was for her to get past what happened with Lexa, surely he understood that trust didn't come easy to her anymore.

She pushed the door open and looked around. All the guys stopped and looked at her, and she could tell she didn't belong here. She heard his laughter, but she didn't see him right away. His desk was away from the door, around the corner. She let out a breath and stomped away from the prying eyes and towards the boy she thought she was falling for.

"Bellamy Blake," her voice was hard. He stopped talking, the laughter dying from his eyes as he turned to see her there. He was still smiling, he was happy to see her. He was acting like nothing big had happened.

"Clarke," he stood up and came towards her. He was about to put his arm around her waist, "what are you doing here?"

His question was answered when she slapped his across the face. A few of the guys he had been talking to gasped, a few clapped. She was so angry she didn't care if they had an audience. He wanted to pretend they were a couple when they were alone and then when she wasn't around he told his friends she was nothing? She was just a girl he was hooking up with? That wasn't who she was, she wasn't the girl you hid while you were dating.

Bellamy was about to meet the girl she had been before her trust was broken. The Clarke he had forgotten came out when she was angry.

"Whoa princess, what's wrong?" he shook his head, trying not to show that her slap had hurt him. There was a faint red mark starting to appear.

Clarke's eyes were angry, "do you think this is a game? Am I just a game to you? Because I'll tell you what, I don't like being played around with, I don't like being made into a fool. I thought, I thought you weren't like all the others," her voice falter, "I thought I was finally seeing the charming Bellamy everyone raves about in this town. I guess I did see him, but then he got what he wanted. Now he can go back to being the asshole that he truly is."

Bellamy didn't know what had happened, or why she was freaking out like this. He grabbed her arm before she could turn to leave, "hey, what the hell are you talking about?"

She laughed, "you know what the hell I'm talking about. I thought you actually forgave me. I thought we were moving on from the past. You told me it was okay, we were fine to stop," her voice got smaller. The prying eyes didn't have to hear the entire conversation, "then you go around telling your friends how you hooked up with me. You tell them I'm nothing to you, that this doesn't mean anything. I trusted you, I told you what happened before."

Clarke's heart was racing as she felt another break, "you know how hard it is for me to trust someone. I guess I was wrong again, to trust you. I thought I knew you, now I'm not so sure who you are."

Bellamy's face fell. He was going to kill Jasper. He looked at Clarke and he knew he had to make this right, but he didn't know how. He was stupid for letting his mouth run, stupid for thinking he should just push off their relationship when the guys started asking. He should've known it would get back to her. She didn't understand that he was trying to protect her, to protect them. He didn't want everyone else fussing about whatever they were doing, until they were sure what they were doing was right. They had too much history to make everyone around them understand it all.

Clarke pulled her arm out of his grip and sighed, "I guess you got what you wanted. As soon as my car is finished I'll be out of your hair and you can target the next poor girl that stumbles through town. Trust me I'll be long gone, you won't even think of me. This time I won't try to call you either."

She turned and stormed out of the station as hard as she came in. Bellamy stood there hearing the guys talk around him. He waited a second and then ran after her, "Clarke," he opened the door and she was crying. She stood there facing away from the police station. There were tears in her eyes, she looked so lost.

He felt like the asshole he was, "I didn't mean it," he said coming up behind her. He wanted to reach out and touch her, but he wasn't sure she would let him. Her rejection would hurt more than his restraint, "please, listen to me."

"I'm done believing your lies," her voice broke as she stepped away from him, "I don't want to see you anymore, Bellamy. Just leave me alone."

He stopped walking towards her. Her blue eyes were filled with tears and he had caused her more pain. He hated himself, in that moment more than any other. He let out a slow breath, begging her to stay. He was fighting with himself, if he closed the distance maybe she would listen to him. But she asked him to stay away and he couldn't make her madder at him. He was going to lose her, just when he had finally found her.

"Clarke," she shook her head, he knew there was nothing he could say to change her mind, "please. Jasper doesn't know what he's talking about."

She laughed, "really? I didn't tell you Jasper told me," she was hurting. The pain hadn't left her eyes since she found him, "but you knew right away who it was that you said those things to. God I shouldn't have let you get to me. You're just like the rest of them. You're just like Lexa."

The words hurt him more than she realized. He didn't want to be like the friend who had taken away her trust, her love for life. He wanted her to stay and listen to him, but he wouldn't let her take the shots, "you know what fine. You go and have a pity party, stop trusting people. Have a nice life, Clarke. You're just another notch in my bedpost anyways."

"It didn't even happen Bellamy," her voice shook and he could see how he had hurt her once again, "but then again that doesn't matter, does it? You'll tell everyone you got in my pants and I'll be another name on your list. You'll be a big player who made his ex fall back in love with him and then laughed her out of town. Then I'll just be left with my broken heart."

He stood there watching her, "because it's all about you isn't it? Everything that's happened is about you, my sister got hurt because someone broke into her house. Looking for you! My car is in the shop because you hit me! You drove away, left me standing there without a second thought, and went to find your life in the big city as a doctor! You turn all the pain around to focus on you. I thought I could help you, but I don't think you want help."

Clarke shook her head, a tear slipping down her cheek. He was wrong, he was more than wrong, "I don't really care what you tell people about me. I've never been that girl hung up on her reputation, you know that. But what hurts the most is that I wasn't worth the truth," Bellamy's face fell as she sighed, "You could've said, 'hey Jasper, year we're giving it another try. We missed each other.' You could've been open about how you feel. But instead you were a jackass and made a fool out of me. You dismissed us, this, so easily that I don't know why I thought we'd be good together again. That's what hurts, Bellamy."

He took a step towards her, but Clarke threw her hands up, "Clarke I'm sorry. I screwed up, I know I did."

When she looked back at him, he saw the same girl he met when she hit his car. She was beautiful and sad, she was a mess he shouldn't have gotten caught up in, "I hope you have a nice lonely life, Bellamy Blake. I could've loved you, I wanted to love you again. But now I guess we'll never know."

She spun on her heels leaving him standing there thinking about what she just said. She was in love with him? His hands were shaking, his heart was screaming at him to run after her. He heard that voice telling him to pull her into his arms and kiss her, never letting her go. He could've loved her too. Hell he did love her, he had never stopped loving her. But he didn't listen to his heart, he listened to his head. His pride was too big to beg someone to stay.

He watched her run away from him, knowing this time he would never get another chance to change her mind.


	13. Chapter 13

Two days. Clarke had been crying for two days over what happened with Bellamy. Octavia had no idea what to do, so she loaded the girl up with ice cream and they watched romantic comedies to make her laugh. Still whenever they were getting ready for bed Clarke would ask her why her brother destroyed everything he cared about.

Octavia didn't have an answer for that. Because she knew it was true.

They were sitting in the living room, Clarke had managed to pull herself together today. The fair was less than twenty four hours away and Octavia was trying to convince her she needed to be there. What she didn't realize was Clarke didn't care about the fair anymore. She didn't really care about anything now that Bellamy had broken her heart again.

"You have to see how people like our hard work," Octavia looked at this girl who was becoming more like a sister instead of a friend, "we spent so much time putting it all together. Don't let Bellamy take that away. Just because he's an ass doesn't mean you should miss the fair. Plus everyone will be there so you'd just be sitting here all by yourself."

"I know. But I just don't want to go anymore," Clarke sighed as Octavia sat beside her.

She was lying, she did want to go to the fair. But she didn't want to see Bellamy. He had broken her heart, more than she thought was possible. Last time it had been all her fault, this time it was his. She knew how much he had hurt when she drove away now. She just wanted to forget him, to find a way to heal her broken heart without anyone else.

Octavia gave her puppy dog eyes, "no you have to come with me! Please Clarke? You helped so much it would all go to waste if you didn't come and see that hard work. Plus I promise to make Bellamy behave himself."

Clarke shook her head, "I just thought he was different Octavia. I wanted him to be different I wanted him to be," she stopped herself, realizing where this was going, "I wanted him to be it."

The other girl sighed, "I should kill my brother, and trust me I want to. But I can't make him into someone he's not. I thought for you he was changing, I thought you were it for him too. I don't know why he did what he did, I wish I could tell you he's not an asshole. I'm sorry. You two have so much history, I thought if you worked it all out you'd end up happy together again. Lord knows no one else puts up with his shit like you."

Clarke nodded, trying to stop the waterworks as her friend reached over and squeezed her shoulder.

Clarke didn't know what to do. Part of her wanted to run the way she always did when a pain set in. She could start over, go home or hell go back to school and see if everyone decided to tell her the truth. Or she could stay here, where she felt at home. She could stay and try to move on from the break Bellamy caused and move forward.

"Okay," she finally said looking at Octavia, "I'll go. But I don't promise I'll be any fun."

—-

Clarke had to admit the fair looked awesome with her artwork in the spotlights. She couldn't stop smiling when she saw the banner, her favorite part of it all, lit up and glowing as people entered the annual fair. It looked brand new, fresh and ready for people to see all the changes Octavia had helped create. It was more fun than she thought it would be, mostly because Octavia made her push aside her heartache, as hard as it sounded, and focus on herself tonight. It was all about Clarke now.

She was glad she had come, even if she kept glancing towards Bellamy when they were in range of each other. Usually he was standing with Jasper, listening to him say something. He would laugh, or push his chest, tousle his hair. Every once and a while she would see his eyes creep towards her, and she would look away before he caught her staring. That didn't mean she didn't wonder if he missed her. She wondered if he would ever actually try again.

Clarke lost Octavia to Lincoln an hour in. She didn't mind, she would rather watch the fair than to ride anything. She smiled as she watched them go on the ferris wheel. Octavia was terrified of heights it seemed Lincoln got a kick out of it. When the couple went into the haunted hay stack, Clarke saw Bellamy standing with his back towards her.

She looked at him then, watching his shoulders go up and down when he laughed. He wasn't with Jasper, he was with someone she didn't recognize. He wasn't in his uniform, he had the night off. Most of the town did, it seemed like this was the one night everyone came together to fall in love with their small town all over again. She missed his laugh, she missed his smile. Even if she was the one who walked away, she still missed him more than she thought she would.

The part of her he hurt was still throbbing, but she wasn't sure if she had to keep him at a distance. He had made her feel at home, he had made her see herself in a completely different way. They had been on a few dates, but she had spent enough time with him to know that she hadn't been wrong in feeling what she did. She just wanted to understand why he brushed it off.

"Are you Clarke?" there was a voice beside her and she jumped.

She turned to see a boy standing there. He looked familiar, his long brown hair hanging in his eyes. He pushed it back and she couldn't quiet place where she knew him from. Clarke nodded her head, "that's me, who's asking?"

He looked at the empty seat at the table she was sitting at and she moved down the bench. He sat down beside her, "I'm Finn Collins," he cleared his throat, "you don't remember me?"

She shook her head, "no," her voice was small, "how do I know you? You look familiar."

He flashed her a small smile, Bellamy turning to look at them, "I was at the party."

Clarke's blood ran cold, she sat up straighter. She could feel her heart hammering inside her chest, and she realized that this boy might know about the pieces missing from her memory. She took in a breath and moved further away, trying to resist the urge to look over at Bellamy. She didn't need his help, she could handle this.

"You - you were there?"

"I saw them give you the drink, after I watched them drug it. I'm sorry, I should've stopped it before then. I didn't know how to. I joined the game to stop one of the other assholes from hurting you. You didn't deserve that," he was talking in circles and Clarke couldn't keep up.

"Game? What the hell are you talking about? All I remember is getting a drink and then I wake up the next morning. I remember voices talking about me, but I can't complete the memory. You know," her eyes got bigger and he nodded his head slowly, "you know what happened."

He sighed, "I took you home. I didn't want you getting hurt the way Raven did."

Clarke felt lucky as Finn explained the game to her, "basically they play never have I ever until one of them hasn't done something extreme. The winner gets to finally do what it is they've always wanted so they can do it in the game, and you're the prize. Raven, she was new on campus when Lexa targeted her. I wasn't at that party, I couldn't stop them when Graham won. I still kick myself every single day for letting her go to that stupid party. I knew Lexa, I knew what she did to fresh meat like Raven."

Clarke put her hand on top of his, "thank you, for saving me," her voice caught and she felt even luckier as she closed her eyes, "I've spent the last month and a half wondering what happened. All I could think was the worst, I had these dreams of someone touching me, using me without my permission. I hated not knowing," Clarke opened her eyes and looked at him, "you brought me back my missing memories."

"I've been looking for you. I got your information from Raven," he blushed, "she was in one of your classes. She said she knew who you were. Your mom hasn't heard from you, she said she didn't know where you were. I ended up here when my car ran out of gas."

Clarke smiled and hugged him before she could stop herself, "thank you. I uh, you have no idea how much I needed to hear what happened. I've been struggling with it all, Lexa was my friend. It's been hard not knowing."

Finn nodded his head, "I would want someone to do the same if Raven was in the same situation. Like I said I've never been able to forgive myself for what happened to her. It's only fair."

She smiled again and then squeezed his hand before standing up, "since you came all this way, why don't we enjoy the fair?"

Finn smiled, "okay. So you know how I ended up here, but what's your story?"

Clarke laughed slightly, "well it started with a car crash and ended with this fair. I take it you have some time to hear the whole thing."

Maybe she was still dealing with the pain from what happened with Lexa and the drugs, but she was moving on. She felt stronger, better now that Finn had eased her mind. Nothing had happened. He took her home and tucked her into her bed. He even put her shoes away. There still were good guys left in this world.

She couldn't help but glance over at Bellamy and wonder if she had lost out on her last chance to be with one of the best ones.

—

Bellamy had planted himself in the grass across from them, watching as this stranger upset Clarke. She looked like she was going to cry, and then she reached over and touched him. Bellamy wanted to walk over there and punch him for hugging his Clarke. But he stopped himself, she wasn't his anymore. She belonged to no one because he had been an asshole and let her go. He wanted to kick himself, every single night he fell asleep all along he wanted to kick his own ass for letting her go.

"Bell," Octavia grabbed his hand, jumping up and down like a five year old, "Bell did you hear?"

He shook his head, "no," he turned to look at his sister who was smiling, flashing a ring up at him, "wait what? Lincoln did it? Finally he's been badgering me for the last month about asking you. I thought he would chicken out yet again when he told me tonight was finally the right time."

She gasped, laughing as he watched her realize he wasn't going to tell her she was too young. He wasn't going to talk her out of it, "you knew about this?"

He laughed, "I helped him pick the ring. I'm happy for you two," he pulled his sister into a hug and kissed her forehead. He had to let her go now, she belonged to someone else. He would always love her, he would always protect her. But Lincoln was the man in her life, he was just her brother.

He couldn't take his eyes off Clarke, "go tell her you still love her you big idiot," his sister his him with her shoulder and he stumbled. He knew she was right, he was in love with the girl who wrecked his car. He was in love with the girl who did nothing but infuriate him and make him laugh all at the same time.

"She won't listen to me," he sighed running his hands through his hair, "I really screwed up this time Octavia."

His sister smiled, looking down at her ring, "no she loves you too. That's why I begged her to come. Ya'll can find a way back to each other, I dedicated a certain song for you two when the moon hits the sky and the dance starts."

Bellamy stopped and looked away from Clarke, his sister giving him a smug smile, "she's talking to someone else, Tavia. I've already lost her. That was my second chance and I ruined it before it even really started."

His sister looked over at her new friend and she shook her head, "she's as far away from him as she can get. Trust me, you're who she wants. Wait here, I'll get some intel for you."

His sister floated away before he could tell her he didn't want to know who that was and why he was talking to Clarke. He knew he shouldn't have come, he should've stayed home and got drunk for the third night in a row. Since he let her go he couldn't stop hating himself. The alcohol numbed the pain and he could fall asleep a little easier without her beside him. He was pretty sure she was going crazy, you couldn't want someone as much as he wanted her when they just met.

She had gotten under his skin in a way he couldn't understand.

Clarke stood up, her hand on the kid's arm as they walked away from the table together. She hadn't been that trusting when they met, she had been hesitant, especially when he offered her a ride. He couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked in her green sun dress. He was glad she hadn't left, but it was hell to walk around this town and know she was still here. It was hell to know that he couldn't have her because he said one stupid thing.

"Jasper," Bellamy's voice was loud, "think you can make up for what you said to Clarke?"

His eyes went wide, he had been trying to apologize for days now, "yeah man," he said nodding this head and stuffing the rest of the funnel cake into his mouth, "what do you want me to do?"

"Convince those two," he pointed to Clarke and Finn, "to go on the ferris wheel."

Jasper looked confused but agreed to it anyways. Bellamy watched his friend walk towards Clarke who seemed surprised he was talking to her. Bellamy looked away and smiled as the plan started to form in his head. He wasn't sure she would forgive him, but he would make her laugh. Maybe he would even make her reconsider hating him, since he remembered their how much she hated the movie The Notebook, especially the ferris wheel scene.

Bellamy had a plan. He could only hope she would find it as funny as he did.


	14. Chapter 14

Clarke wasn't a big fan of heights, but when Jasper started talking about the Ferris Wheel she figured now would be the best time to get over her fears. She always thought Bellamy would be the one to help her get over them. She always thought he would be the one beside her as the ride went towards the sky. Just yesterday she thought they were finding their way back to each other.

Clarke glanced at the boy beside her. She wanted him to have some fun, she didn't want him to waste his trip here to deliver her this news and then send him on his way. She was glad he had made the trip, but now that she knew nothing terrible had happened she was ready to move on with her life.

Clarke really hated heights. She wasn't sure why she agreed to ride with Finn. She barely knew the kid, but she felt like she owed him her sanity. He restored her memories and stopped her worrying. So again Jasper suggested the Ferris Wheel and Finn looked like he really wanted to ride.

"Wow I can see why you stayed," Finn was looking around while Clarke help on for dear life, "it's pretty here."

She sighed, her knuckles turning white as she avoided looking down at the ground, "yeah it is. After school I needed a slower pace of life. This really helped me try to forget to remember my missing memories."

Finn nodded, biting the inside of his lip, "Raven dropped out her second year. It was hard for her too. And Lexa though it was great. She keeps score on all the girls she hurts," he shook his head, "I hate the girl and I don't even know her. But I swear if I saw her in a dark alley I'd give her a piece of my mind."

Clarke understood. It had taken Bellamy and Octavia to help her heal her broken spirit. They were the only reason she had hung onto the girl she was. Now she didn't have the only boy who truly mattered. Because she pushed him away too. That was her fault, but then again Bellamy shouldn't have lied.

Bellamy and his stupid pride were to blame. Of course that didn't stop Clarke from blaming herself either.

The wheel stopped at the top, "how is Raven now?"

"Better," Finn nodded his head as Clarke let out a slow breath. She was glad to hear that, she felt for the girl she didn't even know. They had been through the same thing. They were both stronger because of it, "she's doing online classes right now. She's always loved learning so when she told me she wanted to go back I was her biggest supporter. I knew going to a campus would be hard so online is a good start. She's been managing by taking baby steps and that's all we can ask of her," he looked at me with those big blue eyes, "it's all we can ask of both of you after what happened."

Clarke smiled, at least someone understood, "and she has you. That has to be helpful. I hope you know that you're the only reason she's been holding on so hard to who she is," Clarke's eyes scanned the crowd for her anchor, "when you go home please tell her that I'm here for her too. We need to be strong for each other, even if we've never met."

Finn smiled, "you two would get along so well. Maybe I'll bring her here to meet you one day."

"I would love to meet her," Clarke agreed as the wheel stayed still and she swallowed the giant lump in her throat. She couldn't find Bellamy in the crowd, she could see Octavia's head from here. She was with Lincoln enjoying the carnival she had worked so hard to put together. She should've been proud, it was a hit with the town. No one had seen one this big in a long time.

They were quiet as they sat there at the top of the ride. Clarke sighed, squeezing the handle bar a little tighter than she needed to. Just as she began to relax and think this wasn't so bad, someone screamed below them. Clarke felt the panic rise in her throat as a crowd gathered and people were pointing. The ride was collapsing, something was wrong. The guy who worked the ride was yelling up to someone. He had his hands on his head like he wasn't sure what to do.

Clarke looked at Finn, "what's happening?"

Just as she asked the question Bellamy appeared in front of them. He was smiling, that stupid smirk he wore whenever he did something he shouldn't have. He grabbed onto the bar that was right above them and began to dangle from the structure like the idiot he was.

Clarke understood exactly what was happening in that moment.

"Bellamy Blake get down before you kill yourself," she scolded him as he kept that smirk on his face. His shaggy hair was hanging across his forehead, the wind picking up as his arms strained to hold him up.

He shook his head, "not until you forgive me, Clarke. I'm sorry. I will say I'm sorry a million times, I'll scream it from here so the entire town knows. I'm sorry I was an ass and I'm sorry I didn't tell Jasper the truth."

She rolled her eyes, "stop being dramatic. Please get down, we can talk when I'm off this death trap and your feet are on the ground."

He let one hand fall and Clarke screamed, her hand coming to cover her chest, "not until you say you forgive me. I'm not getting down until you say it. Please Princess."

Finn looked between the two and wondered what in the hell he had gotten himself into. Tears gathered in Clarke's eyes as the attendant yelled up at Bellamy once more. He told him to get down, but he wasn't listening. He was staring at her, waiting for the words he so desperately wanted to hear. Octavia's voice was just as angry as she yelled up and threatened to kill her brother herself.

After a moment of silence Finn cleared his throat, "I think I"m missing something here."

Clarke sighed, "Finn Collins this is my ex-boyfriend Bellamy Blake," she held her hand between the two like this was a normal introduction. Which it totally wasn't, "Bellamy this is the boy who has been holding my memories for me. He brought them back to me tonight."

Bellamy's face fell when she called him her ex. Finn smiled and raised his eyebrows, "ex boyfriend huh?"

"Don't think about it," Bellamy's deep voice dropped an octave as he hung there watching this stranger move his hand towards his girl. He swallowed his anger and tried to hold himself up straighter. He looked back to Clarke, "please Princess. just say you forgive me."

Clarke shook her head giving in so they could all get down, "fine. I forgive you Blake. Now get down off this thing so I can kill you myself."

He laughed as he grabbed the cart and then pulled himself into the seat between them. He smiled as he swung his arm around her back, looking at Finn victorious. Clarke held on tighter as it swung with his added weight. So closed her eyes, hoping the thing wouldn't break before they reached the bottom. Bellamy reached over and put his hand on top of hers. If she wasn't so scared she would've pulled away. But she couldn't move, because the wheel was spinning again.

She opened her eyes and glared at him, "I hate the Notebook. You know that."

He laughed, which didn't sound amusing to her, "I know. I thought you'd find it funny."

She shook her head, thankful they were making their way back to the ground, "no. You also know I hate heights. So you putting yourself in danger like that only added to my anxiety. Maybe you should listen to your sister next time you try and win me back. Because this was the stupidest thing you've ever done."

Bellamy's hand touched her shoulder and to both their surprise she moved in closer to him. He let out a slow breath, smiling at this little victory, "well I'm sorry, but you I had to do something. You were scared for me, which means you still care."

Once their cart stopped at the bottom Clarke got off first. She turned around to glare even harder at the boy who still had her heart, "I will always care Bellamy. The fact that you always feel a need to test that shows you aren't the man I thought you were. You're still stuck in the world we lived in two years ago. I said I was sorry for walking away, I proved to you that I still cared. But now? This was just immature and so was the way you handled things with Jasper. I thought you grew up. I guess I was wrong once again."

Bellamy looked hurt as he stood there taking in her words. He folded his arms across his chest, "I wasn't testing you Clarke. God. I just, I don't know why I even try so hard anymore. You drive me crazy, but I love you. I've loved you so hard for the last two years I couldn't feel anything with anyone else. You're the only girl I could even think about."

Finn looked uncomfortable, Clarke felt sorry for him. But he just wandered away as they continued their fight. Clarke sighed as she crossed her arms, "don't do that. Don't act like you're the only one who gets to miss us. I thought we were getting back there. I thought we were the couple we always wanted to be. But I can't do liars. You know that Bell."

He looked down at the ground and sighed. Before he could say anything his little sister was there, smiling the biggest smile she's ever worn. She grabbed Clarke's arm, "everyone loves the fair! We did such an awesome job, they keep asking who did the sign. Everyone loves your work Clarke. You should be proud."

She nodded, forcing a smile, "so should you. You worked so hard to make sure this went off without a hitch."

Octavia hugged her, "so I uh, wanted to ask you something. Since you're sticking around, would you be my maid of honor?"

Time seemed to stop as the three of them stood there. Octavia smiled, that little sister smile no one could say no to. Bellamy's mouth fell open, his arms still crossed over his chest. Clarke felt tears gather in her eyes, she knew this was an important moment. Her heart hurt as she looked at the girl who had been there through both breakups.

Slowly she nodded her head.

Clarke had always wanted a sister and if she could pick one it would be Octavia. They had gotten close over the past month, she would love to be her maid of honor. But Bellamy had really blown it this time. He had hurt her more than she thought was possible.

"I'll be your maid of honor," she said smiling, "but I can't promise I'll be your sister. Your brothers the biggest asshole I've met."

She laughed, huffing the blonde once more, "yes he is. But he's your asshole."

Clarke rolled her eyes and squeezed her arms. Octavia bounced back to Lincoln and took his hand, nodding at Clarke before she left her alone with her brother once more. Clarke didn't know what to do, she was so confused between her feelings for Bellamy and the anger she felt whenever she remembered what Jasper said. This might not be the place for her. As hard as she was trying to make it fit, it wasn't working. She thought this small town would heal her soul and now that she had her memories back she wondered if it was time to move on.

Maybe she needed to tell Bellamy goodbye once and for all and end things between them. They couldn't be friends, it was too hard when they were still in love with each other.

She sighed as she looked at the boy she never thought she would have to get over. She stepped towards him, filling the hole Octavia had left behind. Before she could say anything Bellamy opened his mouth and started to apologize once more.

"Look I'm sorry Clarke, I didn't mean to upset you tonight and I didn't mean to lie to Jasper. I didn't lie he just assumed something and I didn't correct him," Bellamy was grasping at thin air here. He wanted to pull her into his side and never let her go. But he knew her, he knew how stubborn and headstrong she could be.

Clarke shook her head, "you obviously don't understand why I'm upset," she was tired of fighting. But this was one battle she knew she couldn't push aside. Maybe this had been safe for her, coming here and falling back into her old ways with the one boy she thought she could spend her life with. Maybe he had been her safety net before she went back into the real world.

Bellamy grabbed her wrist, "Clarke please, I'm begging you to stay here. I'm selfish and an asshole, but that's only when it comes to you."

Clarke swallowed the lump in her throat, "you know I was naive enough to believe we could have a second chance. I thought I was meant to be here and find you again. But I was being a coward, Bell. I have to go back into the real world, I have to face whatever it is that's scaring me. I can't let you fight my battles anymore."

Bellamy was just about to say something when someone slapped him on the shoulder. Miller was smiling as he looked at Clarke, "hey Bell you have to get this car man. It's been sitting on the lot for too long now. My boss is starting to ask questions."

Clarke's mouth fell open as she realized what he was saying, "excuse me?"

Miller looked at Bellamy who looked guilty, "I uh. Your car is fixed."

"Man it's been fixed for weeks. I told you I'd do you the favor but I'm not getting in trouble for it," Miller looked at Clarke and she felt her stomach turn.

"You son of a bitch," she pulled her wrist out of his grasp and slapped him across the face. Clarke wasn't sure why but she was suddenly even more angrier at him than she had been when Jasper cornered her, "you haven't changed at all. God you're still lying, still the man with all the secrets."

"Clarke that's not fair. I was going to tell you," he sighed as Miller stepped away and Clarke threw her hands up. He knew he had really done it now. She was beyond angry, there was no way he would ever have a chance to tell her how much he wanted her to stay. He would never get to spend his life with Clarke Griffin, the only woman he had ever fallen in love with.

"It's been done for three weeks Bellamy," Clarke's hands balled into fists, "were you waiting for the right time? When would that be exactly? A year from now?"

He sighed, "I didn't want you to leave. You said we were family, you were happy here helping my sister. I just, I wanted to hold onto this for a little longer. Can you blame me?"

She really couldn't, but she didn't let her anger fade, "I told you I wasn't leaving right away. But having my car would've been helpful. And it's not the car I'm upset about you lied. You lied to Jasper and you kept secrets from me. I thought this time would be different Bell. I guess I was wrong."

"Clarke wait," Bellamy called after her but she didn't wait. She didn't even turn around, she just held up her hand and threw open the car door before pulling out of the parking lot. He could feel the sadness building in her chest.

Losing her the first time at her mothers hand had been hard, hell it almost killed him. Losing her a second time, because of his own stubbornness was like having his heart ripped out and handed back to him in pieces.

Clarke Griffin was the woman he wanted to spend his entire life with. This time he wouldn't let her get away without making her see just how much she truly did mean to him.


	15. Chapter 15

Clarke told herself she was ready. She had both hands on the wheel, her car was fixed and packed up. She had said her goodbyes to Octavia and the rest of the folks in this small town that made her feel so welcome. She knew it would be hard to find somewhere else, but it was her turn to be happy for once. Whether it was home or somewhere new, she would go wherever the wind decided to take her.

Her heartache wasn't bad. She had tested her strength and somehow gotten to the other side. Finn was the real reason why she didn't fall apart completely. He had given her the missing pieces, and even though she couldn't remember everything she felt better knowing the whole story. Nothing terrible had happened, she didn't miss a piece of herself. Clarke forgave herself that night after Finn left. Even if she had been foolish to fall for Lexa's lies, she didn't lose the game. Finn had made sure of that.

The only piece of her heart that hurt was the part that screamed at her to find him. She gripped the wheel tighter, forcing away the lump in her throat. She couldn't relive that same moment from two years ago. She wouldn't be able to pull away this time. She didn't say goodbye on purpose. After the fair last night and that stupid stunt he pulled, she couldn't make herself try anymore. It wasn't funny, he had scared her half to death. Sometimes he acted like a child and Clarke couldn't handle that anymore.

Picking up her car had been a little awkward. Miller didn't look her in the eyes until she told him to stop being a big baby. This was her car, the favor had been done for Bellamy. He could at least let her thank him without avoiding her. She after he laughed at the awkwardness of the situation he looked at Clarke and said he was glad he could help her out.

The car never looked better. She started right up when she put the key in the ignition and it took her a few minutes to pull out of the parking lot. The truth was she wasn't ready to let go, but she knew she had to. Bellamy had lied, he didn't believe she wanted to stay. Why else would he keep her car from her? All he had to do was ask and she would've stayed long after the stupid thing was fixed.

She looked in the rear view mirror, getting ready to pull out onto the highway. She didn't want to go back to his place, but she had left a few important things there. Even though she knew he was at work she had Octavia come with her so she wouldn't have to see him if he was there. Once she grabbed her things it was time to go, there was no more reason to stay now that her car was fixed.

No more reason to stay since he screwed up for the last time.

Her blue eyes didn't hold any tears and there was a small smile on her face. She had cried what was left of her tears last night. This morning when she woke up she knew it was time to focus on her. After losing herself for these last few months and thinking she had found it once again with Bellamy, she needed to take time to reflect with herself. No one else was going to fix her. She had to fix herself, which mean she had to get away from the mess that was her life.

She rolled down the window and put the car in drive. She knew her life belonged to her and no one else.

Clarke took in the sights around her for what would be the last time. She had fallen in love with this little town, and somehow she would find her way back one day. There was so much charm, so much life in this place it was hard to leave. But she knew she had to find her life, the one without any strings attached. Once upon a time that would've been with Bellamy.

She turned the music up and smiled, turning onto the last street, the one that would take her towards the highway. This was where she had run into him. This was where it had all happened. Clarke thought about the chances that would ever happen again, how crazy it was for him to be the one she hit. She shook her head and said her goodbye to him and all the things they had shared together. Their story had come to an end. He was a chapter in the book she was done reading.

As much as she wanted to love him, she knew he wasn't ready. There was no way he would let her back in and she was done trying. She has to protect herself, the little part of her that still believed in happy endings was holding on. She wouldn't let it go, so she had to let go of him.

Clarke let out a breath and felt her heart get a little lighter. The wind ripped through her hair, the sun felt warm on her shoulders. This was what she had been looking for. This was where she finally found herself.

Just as she saw the sign for the town come into view, the one telling you to come back soon, she heard the sirens.

The red and blue lights were bright even against the sun. Clarke sighed, pulling over to the side of the road before she made it to the town line. She was pretty sure she wasn't speeding, she had been taking her time leaving town. Then again she hadn't been paying attention to the road as much as the little houses she was silently saying goodbye too. Maybe she had missed a stop sign or something. She sighed and grabbed her bag from the mess in her passenger seat.

The officer sat in his car for a few seconds afar pulling her over and Clarke didn't notice as he got out slowly. She was searching for her insurance card as he walked towards her tiny car. He had his sun glasses on and once he made it to the window she wasn't impressed. She clicked her tongue as she looked out the window at the last person she wanted to see.

"Really Bellamy?" She asked annoyed. He pulled her over? She knew for certain now nothing had been wrong. She looked at him hard, "what is your problem?"

He cleared his throat, "you're leaving," he voice was soft, that deep echo going right through her. This was why she couldn't quit him, because he was under her skin, "you didn't say goodbye."

She looked away sheepishly, "I thought it would be easier this way. I mean last time."

He shook his head, "Clarke don't go. I know you think this isn't your place, but it is. I love this stupid little town, but the moment you walked in you made it home. I've never seen my sister as happy as she is with you. Even Lincoln was amazed at how much she loved you."

Clarke sighed, "Bellamy you said it perfectly the other day. You can't expect us to be the same two people who walked away last time."

There were tears in her eyes, Bellamy noticed, "no. They didn't fight for each other. This is me, Clarke, fighting for you. I won't let you leave without trying this time. I still love you," her heart stopped, "I never stopped loving you."

The smile that came on to her face was bigger than any other he had seen. He didn't care that she knew all his secrets, all his weaknesses. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and keep her here in his life. Last night he had made an ass out of himself, today he was proving to her they weren't the same.

Clarke didn't know what to say. She unbuckled her seatbelt and Bellamy stepped away from her door. She got out and looked at him, "you love me."

He nodded his head, "princess I couldn't quit you if I tried."

She jumped into his arms before he could say anything else. Her mouth found his and Bellamy knew that every other moment in his life would pale in comparison to this moment when she made the decision to stay. He held onto her as tightly as he could. If he could pull her into him and make them one person, he knew he would never have to let her go again.

"I love you too," her voice caught as he picked her up and spun her around.

"So you'll stay?"

Her blue eyes were sparking in the sunlight, "I'll stay. On one condition."

Her eyes went down his uniform and he swallowed. He was a little nervous to hear what this condition of hers was, "anything."

Bellamy couldn't believe that fire was there, in her eyes. The fire that had been missing from her when she found him again, the one those asshole had killed with their stupid game. It was alive and burning bright in her blue eyes as they stood there together. He knew whatever it was she was about to ask him, he wouldn't be able to turn down.

She smiled at him, the smile going all the way up to her eyes, "when you get home from work tonight, don't take that uniform off."

Bellamy's eyes mirrored hers and he pulled her closer, "I think we might just get along fine living together, princess."

Clarke giggled, his hands finding her hips and squeezing them gently. She was happy, happier than she had been in a long time. She might not have known it, but this was what she had been looking for all along. Her life might have fallen apart, but she wouldn't have changed a thing that brought her back here into Bellamy's arms.

She had been ready to leave, but she could see that wasn't part of the plan. They were two halves of a whole. She needed him as much as he needed her. No matter what happened in their lives they would face it together.

After all Clarke knew there was no place like home. In her case, there was nowhere better than right here beside Bellamy.


	16. Epilogue

_One Year Later_

Life was good, Clarke couldn't deny that. He proposed six months after they found each other again. Whenever Clarke doubted her place she looked at his mothers ring and she knew wherever Bellamy was, was where she belonged. She never knew how much she needed this small town, this life with Bellamy. She loved every single second of it. She never thought she would be a small town girl, then again she never thought she'd find Bellamy again either.

Octavia got her a job assisting the elementary art teacher. She failed to mention that the teacher was nine months pregnant and once she went into labor the school no long cared that Clarke didn't have a degree. She was covering the classroom and she loved her students.

They could make her laugh on her hardest days. They were all amazing in their own ways and she loved every day she spent painting and drawing with them.

It didn't hurt that Bellamy would volunteer to be the officer who walked through the school. He would come visit in his uniform and make her kids giggle whenever he kissed her. They loved him almost as much as he loved them. It was a sight to see since he had caught his sisters baby fever.

Ever since Octavia announced she was pregnant Bellamy talked about babies. He wanted one, but Clarke had to remind him often that they weren't married yet. Still it was nice to know they were on the same page. Clarke didn't mind imagining a mini Bellamy running around their house.

Bellamy was still amazed she was here with him. He was speechless when she said yes to his proposal. He took her into the center of town and once he got down on one knee everyone was watching. They all cheered when he kissed her, her answer had interrupted his question. Still that was the second best day in his life.

The first was the day she stumbled back into his life.

He couldn't stop himself in the mornings. He would wake up before her and just stare at her sleeping. She was still there beside him, asleep and wrapped up in his blankets. He would reach out and push her hair behind her ear. He couldn't love anyone the way he loved this woman.

Clarke always thought it was creepy when guys watched their girlfriends sleep. But it wasn't creepy when it came to Bellamy. He was cute, that crooked smile on his face as he blushed when her eyes found his.

Her mom finally came to visit them during Christmas. To Clarke's surprise there were no fights. They had s nice holiday, her mom even brought present for Octavia and Bellamy. She couldn't remember a time when her mother admitted she was wrong. But she pulled Clarke aside on Christmas Eve and told her she never should've made her choose between Bellamy and school.

Her mom could see how happy she was here. She knew Clarke needed this place, she needed a life that filled her completely. That life would always include Bellamy.

Clarke slipped her ring back on as she checked the time. She always wore the precious ring on her necklace at work so it didn't get lost. She rolled her neck as she stood up straighter, shivering in the cool air that filled the house. If they had any disagreements these days it was how warm to keep the apartment.

Clarke jumped when Bellamy slipped his hands around her waist. He pressed a kiss to her collar bone as she smiled, "I didn't hear you come in."

"Well good thing I didn't plan on murdering you then," he whispered as she leaned back against him. He always felt so good after working, like she had finally come home from a long journey.

She turned around in his arms and kissed him softly on the lips her fingers interlocking behind his neck. As she pulled away she took in a deep breath, "do you think it'll always be like this? That we'll always crave each other even after ten or twenty years of being together?"

Bellamy nodded his head slowly, kissing her for affect, "I will never get tired of you, Clarke."

"Good answer," she smiled as she pulled away, "we should get going."

He groaned, "do we have to?"

"Yes. We can leave whenever you want but we both know Octavia will be looking for us. This is her baby, even if she couldn't do it this year, she helped."

He picked up her left hand, smiling as the diamond sparkled in the light of their room. He seemed so proud of that thing, that she would wear it every single day. He loved doing she was his for life. He loved knowing that every man who saw her saw this ring and knew she belonged to someone else. He kissed her hand, Clarke closed her eyes. he had always been able to persuade her with those lips.

"Bellamy," she whispered his name as he kissed her neck once more, "I love that you wear my ring."

She laughed, "I'm never taking it off," she whispered back. After a moment she turned around in his arms and pressed her lips to his, "you're stuck with me now."

His deep laugh was one of her favorite sounds, "I think I'm okay with that."

"Good now we have to get ready or Octavia will bust in here. I don't want to get lectured by your pregnant sister. I'm pretty sure she'll start crying again."

Bellamy laughed as he remembered his sister and her hormones. They were all over the place. One minutes she would yell the next she would be in tears. It would've been funny if they didn't have to deal with it every single day.

After a moment he sighed, "fine I have to change. I fought hard not to be on duty tonight for this fair so let me take this uniform off."

Clarke's eyes sparkled, "or I could do it for you."

He flashed her that smile she loved to see first thing in the morning, the one full of lust and sleep, "if you want to be on time we can't get carried away princess."

Clarke bit her lip as he purposefully took his time unbuttoning his shirt. She rolled her eyes and turned around, waking out of their room before she jumped him. After taking so long to finally open up, Clarke couldn't get enough of Bellamy.

They slept together the night she decided to stay. It was a long time coming, the tension so built up it didn't last long for either of them. But they were more than satisfied to try again the next morning, afternoon and night. Clarke felt stupid afterwards, her need for control long abandoned. Bellamy had given her control, she never had to worry with him.

Clarke walked into the kitchen to wait. She sighed, thankful she hadn't had to help with the fair this year. They had used most of her signs from last year because she couldn't make new ones now that she was working. Someone else was in charge since Octavia was otherwise preoccupied.

She was due any day now. Bellamy was obsessed, he had baby fever whenever his sister came around. It would've make Clarke jealous if he wasn't so cute. He'd cuddle her in the evenings telling her how perfect their family will be. He told her the names he wanted while he pressed sweet kissed into her skin.

It would've terrified Clarke if she wasn't so sure he was the one. She never thought about kids, but with Bellamy it was a given. Kids with his hair, his smile. They were the only kids she ever wanted to think about having.

"Come on Bell, Octavia is probably already there waiting!" She grabbed her purse as the bedroom door opened.

Clarke never could get over how handsome her boyfriend was. Or should she say fiancé? She Couldn't get over how lucky she was to find him among the chaos that ensued two years ago.

Bellamy wrapped his arms around her waist, "there's still time to back out now. We can snuggle and stay in," his voice was warm in her ear.

Clarke just laughed, "it'll be fine, trust me. Let's go," she kissed his lips and pulled away, "before I take you up on that offer."

They left the apartment after a moment more of missing. They walked to the fair, since their apartment wasn't too far from the center of town. The neon lights were bright and they could hear the crowd gathering already. It looked bigger this year. Clarke couldn't help but wonder if Octavia felt like the new person had tried to out do her.

It took less than five minutes to get there. Clarke shivered and move in closer to Bellamy's side as they got their tickets, "it's cold out tonight."

Bellamy laughed, "I told you to bring a jacket," he sighed as he pulled his off, "here."

Clarke smiled, "if I had brought my own then I wouldn't get to look all cute and warm in yours."

Bellamy leaned down and kissed her quickly before he heard his sister, "you're lucky I love you."

"Yeah, yeah, so you say."

Octavia smiled when she saw her brother and future sister in law, "yay you guys came! I thought you'd make an excuse to stay in tonight."

Clarke laughed when she tried to hug her, "Bellamy tried. But I love this fair," Bellamy wrapped his arms around her, "so I forced him to come."

Clarke stood beside her soon to be sister in law and watched as she let out a slow breath. Octavia ran her fingers down her belly, something she did a lot now that it was so big. There was a bench near by so Clarke directed them that way, "hey let's just take a second. You look pretty winded from the walk here."

Both the girls laughed as Octavia sat down slowly letting out a breath, "sorry I've been getting tired faster these days. The doctor said the baby is ready he just hasn't come out yet."

Clarke smiled, "it's okay. I needed to sit anyways. So are you excited? Lincoln is, hell even Bellamy is. All he talks about is having kids now."

Octavia laughed, but it was forced, "you two aren't even married yet! But I know he'll be a great uncle. And one day the best father, I know. He raised me."

"Yeah I know he will be too. You turned out pretty well," Clarke took her hand, "hey what's wrong? You didn't answer my question."

She had tears in her eyes when she looked back at Clarke, "I'm scared. I'm terrified I'm going to be a bad mom. I didn't have an example, my mom died when I was young I don't remember her. Bellamy was great, but a mom is different. What if I suck? What if I don't like my baby?"

Clarke laughed and pulled her friend into a hug. She let her take a moment to calm down, pregnancy hormones were hard. Then she pulled back and looked into her brown eyes, "you're going to be a great mom, the best mom there is. You want to know how I know?"

She wiped away a tear, "please tell me. Because I'm terrified."

"Because you took care of me when I had no one else. You were there looking out for me when I was lost and I needed a friend. That's what a mom does too, Octavia. This baby will love you regardless of the mistakes you make. That's what a child does too."

Octavia shook her head, tears falling all over again, "I knew I kept you around for a reason."

Clarke laughed as she hugged her friend once more. Her stomach made it awkward, but it was still warm and real.

"So you two discussing baby names?" Bellamy asked as he sat down beside his fiancée and broke up their moment.

Clarke hit him in the chest, "you know I could tell them the names you've already picked out. For the children we have yet to have."

Octavia laughed as her brother blushed, "Bell you gotta slow down. Get the girl to the alter then ask for babies."

He laughed, pulling Clarke into his side and kissing her temple, "I always knew she was the one. I just want to start our life, our family together already."

"So pick a wedding date already," Lincoln said around his bite of cotton candy, "you've been engaged for a year now. Pick a date and stick to it."

Bellamy looked at Clarke, "I'm trying. It's hard when I have so many things to work around. My mom tells me she can get off and then changes her mind. Bellamy and his vacation days don't add up with mine. I just want to run off and get married already."

Octavia's eyes sparkled, "I think I can arrange for that to happen."

"No I want you guys there," Clarke laced her fingers through Bellamy's, "but it would be easier without the real world stepping in. Soon. It'll happen soon I promise."

Bellamy knew the date didn't matter. Hell the title of husband and wife didn't matter. Because they were so much more to each other. They were partners, best friends, and lovers all the same. The piece of paper might make it official to the state, but he already knew Clarke was the only girl for him.

Octavia was happy with her life, seeing her brother so happy and in love made it that much better. Lincoln held her hand as she stood up, her hand resting on her stomach. Suddenly she felt water running down her legs.

"Shit. No," her eyes went wide as her brother looked at her. Her eyes filled with tears as the pain started, "my water just broke."

Clarke jumped up, Bellamy right beside her, "let's go! That baby is half Blake, half Lincoln. They aren't going to wait for you to get to the hospital."

Despite her discomfort Octavia laughed. She squeezed Lincoln's hand, "are you ready to become a father?"

He kissed her softly as Bellamy pulled Clarke's hand, "we'll meet you there."

Little Levi Blake Weston was born after a little after midnight. Lincoln came out with tears in his eyes to tell them that they had a nephew, he had a son. Clarke could see the tears in Bellamy's eyes as he hugged his brother in law and then they followed him back to the room.

Octavia looked tired as they walked in, but she had the biggest smile on her face. Motherhood suited her, Clarke always knew it would. Levi was tiny, his little lungs worked just fine though. He was loud when he cried, just like his mother had been earlier.

"Do you want to hold him?" Octavia asked Bellamy as he fawned over his nephew. He ran his finger down his cheek, smiling like a kid in a candy store. He nodded his head slowly as his sister offered him the baby. Clarke stood back and watched as her fiancé took the baby in his arms and stood up straighter. She smiled as he bounced him slightly, the crying stoping immediately.

He walked towards Clarke, "wow he's so handsome," she smiled as she looked at the baby wrapped in his blue blanket, "even more handsome than you."

He laughed, that deep laugh Clarke could never get enough of, "he's perfect. I want one."

Clarke shook her head, "not until we've made it official Bellamy Blake. Now give the baby back to his mother."

Bellamy stuck out his lip, handing Levi back to his mother. Even if she was denying him a child at this moment, Clarke knew she wouldn't get that image out of her head. He looked so protective, so father like as he held his nephew in his arms. She had never been more attracted to this man than right in that moment. Her heart sped up as he looked down at the baby with his big soft brown eyes. She knew they were going to end up with a lot of children if he looked at all their babies that way.

Octavia kept smiling as she looked down at her son. She was so in awe of the tiny life that was in her arms she couldn't believe she had had to wait nine months to meet him. He looked so much like his father she couldn't stop staring.

After a moment she looked up at the two of them, her brother grabbing Clarke's hand once more, "you guys don't have to stay. Go have fun at the fair."

They stayed a few minutes longer, until the nurse said it was time for Octavia to try and nurse Levi before attempting to feed him with a bottle. Bellamy gave his little sister a quick kiss on the head and then got out of there fast. Clarke laughed as he pulled her along, waving her own goodbye.

Bellamy pulled her to a stop in the lobby, "how many kids do you want?"

She shrugged, "I've never really thought about it. What about you?"

"Ten," he held her gaze as her mouth fell open. He laughed, blowing his bluff, "I'm kidding. But really, like two or three."

She nodded slowly, "well let's get married first."

Bellamy's eyes sparkled, "so pick a date Mrs. Blake."

"I will," she smiled as he leaned in and kissed her softly, "you do know practice makes perfect right?"

Bellamy raised an eyebrow as he realized what she was implying. Clarke giggled as he squeezed her hips and then pulled her out to his car before she could catch her breath. She knew they wouldn't make it back to the fair but that was okay with her. Everything was perfect here in her little town with Bellamy beside her.

She never knew life could tear you down to your darkest moment and then let you find the brightest place to put the pieces back together. Bellamy was her person and this little town was her home.

There really is no place like home.


End file.
